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Garden (Pity) Party: RIP Rangers

The 2023-24 New York Rangers are dead. It was a fun ride that ended in sadness and offensive futility once again.
knicks and rangers garden party

Well, shit.


It's hard to even figure out what to write about this series, because it has me feeling very conflicted. On one hand, 97% of the playing time was spent either tied or within one goal. Five of the six games were one-goal final scores. Igor Shesterkin was once again the best goalie in the world. Alexis Lafrenière emerged as a star. Barclay Goodrow justified his outlandish contract. Vincent Trocheck annoyed the shit out of everyone on the other team. The Rangers bounced back from a Game 1 no-show and won two electric overtime heart stoppers in a row. They took a 2-1 series lead, played a tremendous first period in Game 4, and were a missed tripping call, a crossbar, and a Mika Zibanejad brain fart away from pushing the Panthers to the brink.


On the other hand, the Panthers absolutely caved the Rangers in, pinned them in their own end, banged them around, and were clearly the better team for long stretches of play. Mika Zibanejad had no goals in the series. Neither did Adam Fox. Artemi Panarin scored his only goal with just 100 seconds left in the elimination game. Too little, too late. The absence of a top-line right winger to play with Mika and Kreider weighed heavily on the team. Losing Vesey really hampered the penalty kill and hurt us in those high-pressure third period minutes where he usually shines. Getting Chytil and Wheeler back didn't provide much of a spark, and instead felt like more line juggling that never found chemistry. Matt Rempe was never given the trust of the coaching staff and wasn't able to impact the game beyond a few noticeable 1st period shifts. Kaapo Kakko was scratched in another playoff game (he's out of here, for sure). The banged up blue liners, especially Trouba and Lindgren, couldn't match Florida's speed and ferocity. And the power play went ice cold. Fox's knee injury was clearly limiting his ability to walk the blue line and Zibanejad didn't look right at all since getting hit with a brutal crosscheck from Brent Burns in the Carolina series. But injuries are no excuse. At this time of year, every team is banged up. At the end of the day, our stars were not good enough. We got pushed around by a better team. And that sucks.


Because despite that... we were right there. For the next week, I'll be seeing Lafrenière hitting the post late in Game 1. Or Mika Zibanejad hitting the crossbar on the power play with a chance to take a 2-0 lead in Game 4. Or Erik Gustafsson negating a two-man advantage in the second period of Game 5, with his team leading by a goal. It's infuriating. They were very, very good. But not great. And that's not enough. Even though it probably would have been enough to beat the Oilers. I mean, seriously, if we somehow get past the Panthers there's no doubt in my mind we're hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup like five or six games later. None.


Well, shit.


And so we go out sad again. That's five times in the past twelve seasons that the Rangers have made it to the Eastern Conference Finals. They led in all five series. They only won one of them. They never won the cup. In fact, they've only done that one fucking time in the last 84 years. I should be used to this. But it still feels like the family pet died or something. Sports is something, isn't it? It doesn't matter really at all in the scheme of things... but for some reason it really gets under our skin.


I really loved the team this year. From Laffy's shootout winner at the Garden against Columbus, to Quick's 10-game win streak, to a miraculous comeback win at MetLife Stadium against the Islanders, to sweeping mutant dickhead Tom Wilson, to the double overtime orgasmic Game 2 win over Carolina, to the Chris Kreider natural hat trick that eliminated the Canes, to the Game 3 Alex Wennberg OT winner watched by my whole extended family at a Memorial Day barbecue, I'll have some fond memories. I just hope I'll still have a fucking memory when this team finally goes all the way.


Until then, we'll always have these sad sack ECF memories:


2012: Lost in ECF 4-2 to New Jersey

My favorite season as a Ranger fan. Broke, single, living in the city. Went to 12 regular season home games. Attended the goon squad Game 2 of the Ottawa first round series and almost jumped over the boards to fight Chris Neil. Went to Game 7 of the semis in which the Rangers dispatched Ovi and the Capitals. Won tickets to Game 1 of the ECF by eating Klondike Bars (full story about this to come at a later date). Adam fucking Henrique ripped my heart out in overtime of Game 6. Went out sad.


2014: Lost in Stanley Cup Finals 4-1 to Los Angeles

Unfucking real team. Reminded me a lot of this year's iteration. Dicked around in the first round and took 7 games to beat the inferior Flyers. Quirky schedule forced them to play 4 playoff games in 5 nights which makes absolutely no sense. Fell behind 3-1 to the Penguins in the semis. Martin St. Louis's mother passed away and he scored a goal on Mother's Day and sparked a comeback. Henrik sprayed Crosby with a water bottle. Kreider ran over Carey Price in Game 1 of the ECF (he was tripped!) and St. Louis scored in overtime of Game 4 (again, was at a Memorial Day family party for this one and won't ever forget it). Hank made the windmill save in Game 6. Won it 1-0. Went to the Cup Finals. Never trailed in Game 1 or Game 2. Lost both. Don't understand what goalie interference is. Alec Martinez ripped my heart out in overtime of Game 5. Went out sad.


2015: Lost in ECF 4-3 to Tampa Bay

Felt inevitable that they'd go back to the finals. Won the President's Trophy. Insanely good year. Dispatched the Penguins in 5 games (Hagelin with the OT winner). Mats Zuccarello got a brain contusion and temporarily lost the ability to speak. Major fucking bummer. Rallied back from down 3-1 against the Capitals in the semis. I somehow convinced Kirk (doesn't care very much about the Rangers) to go to Game 7 with me. Derek Stepan blew the fucking roof off of the Garden with the OT winner. Kirk lost his glasses in all of the excitement. Epic fucking night. Played a bipolar ECF with Tampa where all the games were either boring as fuck or insanely high scoring and no in-between. Put up 7 goals in a Game 6 victory in Tampa to even the series before being fucking shut out 2-0 at home in Game 7. Ryan McDonagh cryogenically froze his broken foot and tried to play in the final game. Bad plan? Bad times! Went out sad.


2022: Lost in ECF 4-2 to Tampa Bay

Fun little season. Rebuild ahead of schedule. Kid Line was cookin'. Lost the first fucking game of the playoffs in TRIPLE overtime. Igor made 79 saves. Trouba knocked out Crosby (it was clean!) and Panarin buried the Game 7 overtime winner. Home team won every game of the semis against Carolina until Game 7. Chytil made Ray Ferraro say "never mind". Blew out the Bolts in Game 1 ("the shift" was epic), won a tight one in Game 2, jumped out to a 2-0 lead in Game 3 and hit the post on a power play that would have buried them. Note to the Rangers: don't let Tampa have second chances. Palat scored with 42 seconds left to win it. Never won another fucking game. Went out sad.


2024: Lost in ECF 4-2 to Florida

Epic season. Won the President's Trophy. Panarin had 49 goals. Swept the lousy Capitals (actually took care of business for once!). Took a 3-0 lead on Carolina in the semis, buoyed by two epic overtime games in Game 2 and Game 3. Trocheck and Panarin with the winners, respectively. Power play went anemic. Hurricanes started coming back. Kreider ended their season with a third period natural hat trick to overcome a 3-1 deficit in Game 6. Vibes were at an all-time high. Lost a snoozer in Game 1. Then back-to-back overtime wins. Then a backbreaking overtime loss. Then Kirk made me come to the city to watch Game 5 on a roof somewhere. I felt like jumping off of it. Game 6 didn't have shit left in the tank. Trouba tried to check the wrong guy and gave up a goal. All kinds of disappointment. Fingers pointing everywhere. Mika absent. Went out sad.


Maybe I need another hobby. Email your ideas to hello@illandodd.com.

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