IMHO: The Count of Monte Cristo

The classic tale of revenge is cemented into camp cinema forever with some of the most outlandish and stand out performances from every character actor orbiting its star.

In this recurring piece (In My Humble Opinion) I'll be spotlighting movies I find interesting enough to watch that may not be on your radar or what you may expect.

Well, well, well...Another movie I love that borders dangerously close to the schlock genre. I'm pretty sure if I was to take the time of creating a Venn Diagram of movies I enjoy, firmly in the center would be the pulsating shameful yet gloriously naked entity that is schlock.

If I was to guess a couple of the recurring themes that seem to slither beneath the surface it wouldn't be an actual effort to overturn them.

Period piece? Check.

Leading Man/Woman not memorable in general? Check.

But that Actor is very memorable in this specific role? Check.

(Yes, Jim Caviezel is the exception that proves the rule and that's kind of bullshit since he played Christ, in Passion of the Christ, pretty large built-in audience there)

Luckily for our good ol' pal Jim (hope he's doing well) and for us the audience, The Count of Monte Cristo has a dearth, A DEARTH, of supporting actors whose sole purpose in life would seem to be that of putting together fantastically flamboyant character performances.

Never in my life can I remember a movie and loving as many characters as I have here. Sure, it's not unheard of to like a side character or antagonist more than the protagonist in any film but for it to be a challenge to answer who may that be? Who gave the best performance? Now that's a treat to get to ruminate over.

Speaking of treats, I also just have to say, this trailer itself is a treat. What's that I detect in the background of the opening scenes? I'm pretty fucking sure it's the same opening beat that Snoop Dog comes out on stage to at Mitch's coming out party in Old School.

And as we dig in here while there are spoilers, this movie is based of the book written back in 1846. It was written by none other than Alexandre Dumbass.

As I just covered above, we don't really need to dive into the story that much, it's well known, and we can focus on this wonderful cast of characters and highlight just a few of their standout moments.

Jim Caviezel plays Edmond Dantes with a straight face throughout. It works for the film as he may seem somewhat lifeless early in the film but once terrible injustice has been visited upon him the audience can take his demeanor for coldness instead. A brilliant work of casting and directing.

Guy Pearce as the film's primary or at least, first antagonist does an admirable job of appearing aloof, deadly, and contemptuous in every scene he's in. I put him up there with Willem Dafoe when it comes to an actor I can't quite not fail to see beneath their performance but who I love all the same.

But the true standouts here are the many side characters I've alluded to already. While there are several familiar names on the list below most are not well known and carry the biggest punches.

JB Blanc as the jovial, friendly, and sure probably pretty murderous smuggler Luigi Vampa who befriends Edmond.

Luis Guzman as Jacopo, who Edmond saves and who then becomes one of the funniest body-men servants that has ever been portrayed in filmed media.

James Frain as the totally self-interested and smug Villefort.

Dagmara Dominczyk as Edmonds fiancé Mercedes, who haunts any frame she's in with a stare and a whisper.

Henry Cavill for performing one of the best one lines ever delivered that it has stayed an inside joke with me and Tom (for the life of me I cannot find this clip online, truly devastating but maybe the silver lining here is you'll have to look for it yourself. Here's a hint, it's a city).

There are some great moments from others but those are all the true standouts.

The Top Cast from IMDB.com

Wait, what the fuck? Did I slip in the shower and hit my head?!?

THAT IS CERTAINLY NOT THE END OF THE NOTEWORTHY CHARACTER PERFORMANCES.

WHY DOES THIS IMDB PAGE FILL ITSELF WITH LIES, WHERE IS HE GOD DAMMIT?!

Oh there he is, 35th, 35th, listed credit of 37, hidden at the bottom in what only can be described as a true blasphemy against art and film in totality.

I can't even make the image bigger! It's so God damn tiny! FUCKKKKKKKKKK!

Now I could do another 500 words at least on the bullshit here but I will just internalize that like much of my life.

Michael Wincott plays the warden Monsieur Armand Dorleac of the infamous prison Château d'If where Edmon Dantes is sent.

Now Michael may be somewhat lesser known of course (he was the second antagonist in the classic film Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves), but he delivers one of the most captivating and darkly hilarious performances of all time. I will go no further into the matter here. You yourself must discover the glory of this performance, and I hope it's as religious an experience as I myself have felt.

I watch The Count of Monte Cristo at least a handful of times a year (I'm watching it right now). Even if you were to take my bias out of it, it is an objectively good movie.

Each time I watch it the experience remains unchanged. What could be better than a tale of revenge against those who are unjust, evil, and lacking any decency?

I'll tell you. A tale that is told where every single character you meet, you're glad to have met them, even for those whose company is only a brief passing moment. There are no regrets in the story along the way. The good, the bad, and the ugly all combine to cook up one of the most unknown and extraordinary ensemble casts of this century.

Sante!