Don't forget to bring a towel, sunblock, and a Tetanus shot.

This edition of Garden Party has similar vibes to my 2nd grade pool party in which the lifeguard was kidnapped and someone shit in the pool.

A beverage so revolting that if you came across it while lost in the desert, you’d rather take your chances raw-dogging a cactus.

I AM SURE YOU ENJOYED ANOTHER RAINY AND COLD WEEKEND WITH YOUR LITTLE ANGELS.

Cranberry sauce is an affront to god, an insult to taste buds everywhere, and a blight upon the landscape of a great American tradition.

Welcome to hell! If you need a prescription filled or a new bottle of contact solution, you better clear your calendar.

Unpopular opinion: burgers cooked at home on the grill suck. I'm sad to see summer go, but I won't miss these culinary disappointments.