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Writer's pictureSpace Ghost

10 Ways To Fix The DJ Problem

The always topical Space Ghost has been lured out of his retirement with the promise of a Wawa platinum card.

spaceghost in a dj booth

Hello there Earthlings,


I'm joining this, 'platform', to bring my intergalactic intellect to your lounger chairs. But mostly for the delicious bread and meat blends of the mystical 'Wawa' from the far off land of PencilveinEnya.


While driving to the local eatery I've noticed a plague. The incoherent ramblings of small, distorted people coming through my stereo! It disgusts me. How am I to drive and ingest my turkey delight with the warbles of delirium assaulting me!


Time to fix this absurdity. To the mines!



Don't have more than three personalities for a morning talk show. The more you add, the higher the chance for disappointment due to lackluster and timid personalities. You can't have confidence while leaning on your 'coworkers'.



There should only be one star in a talk show anyway. Give the masses what they want.

space ghost


Keep the time between songs filled with your incessant dribble to a minimum. The people want music. They do not want to be your outlet for your emotional scars. That's a job for the fine folks at Denny's.


Back to the swamp that is on the morning radio waves - shows should be cancelled every ten years to make way for a new one. Hearing the slow decline into active resentment by personalities of their listeners who BUTTER THEIR BREAD!.....is sad.


Satellite Radio is not immune to this plague. If I want to listen to the new hot groovy tracks that youths enjoy, keep your flair to your damn self! I can think of none worse than the relentless villain and my arch enemy, Justin Kade, aka J.K. from Alt Nation on Sirius XM.


"Hey guys, it's me, J.K., bringing you the hottest track from new band Walrus Rising. Here it is, The Universe Born Into A Butthole, off their latest album, Shogun Cupcake"

JK from sirius xm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!


No DJ should ever sing! You know who you are.


Don't play live albums! The sound quality by in large sucks molten rock. I have enough of that at home.




Now I was supposed to write 10 of these down but I've lost interest. I need calories before I can replace my righteous anger.


I suppose it would be easier if there was no talking allowed on FM Radio, only AM. That way, those deranged few who enjoy the high pitched warbles of the unfit for microphone, and certainly camera, could cultivate their own perverse community. Leave the FM waves to the real artists.


Now.


WAWA!





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