2025 NFL Season Preview: NFC West

Will the 49ers bounce back? Will this finally be the year for Kyler? Will Darnold's ghosts follow him to Seattle? Will Stafford hobble his way to another postseason? I don't know. But it will be fun finding out!

San Francisco 49ers

Highlight From Last Season

It was pretty hard to find anything positive about the Niners 2024 campaign, but this play from Deommodore Lenoir was pretty cool. Also Deommodore Lenoir is a bonafide banger of a football name.

Lowlight From Last Season

It was the kind of year where Christian McCaffrey’s hamstring ruined 10% of all fantasy seasons before they even started, Brandon Aiyuk’s ankle broke, Trent Williams’s knees broke, Nick Bosa’s something-or-other broke, Dre Greenlaw’s everything broke, Mitch Wishnowsky’s punting leg broke, Ricky Pearsall's bulletproof vest broke, and Jordan Mason’s whatever-he-uses-to-run also broke. The defense forgot how to finish games, a linebacker straight-up refused to play like Bartleby the Scrivener, and Deebo Samuel alternated between shoving a long snapper, missing routes, eating pork rinds, and subtweeting the entire franchise before being told he could shop for a new home—while the whole sorry mess unraveled into a 6–11 finish, with Kyle Shanahan looking on in a voodoo-induced stupor courtesy of Taranis.

Biggest Offseason Storyline

Brandon Aiyuk, having sacrificed his beloved pet ladybug, Laird, at the altar of the shadowy figure known as Taranis, has reportedly been granted mystical healing powers that will return him to the field by Week 6, while Christian McCaffrey’s achilles has thus far avoided Taranis’s wrath—but the rest of the roster hasn’t been so fortunate, as a casual 23 players missed Monday’s training camp session with various ailments. Whatever Kyle Shanahan did to earn this cosmic vendetta traces back about eight years to when a local shaman claimed he cursed Shanahan outside the NASA Space Center in Houston before Super Bowl LI, foretelling not only the Patriots’ infamous 28–3 comeback but also the 49ers’ crushing losses in Super Bowls LIV and LVIII. The reason for the curse remains shrouded in mystery, but whispers suggest Shanahan gravely offended the spiritual realm, and now the injury bug isn’t just bad luck—it’s divine retribution with a playbook of its own.

QB Situation

Brock Purdy, Mac Jones, Kurtis Rourke, Carter Bradley

I sort of came around on Brock a bit last season. Their team was an awful ungodly mess and yet he finished with 3,864 passing yards, 20 TDs, 12 INTs, and a 96.1 passer rating —plus a not-embarrassing-at-all ground game with 323 yards and 5 rushing TDs. I always forget that he's pretty nimble back there when he wants to be.

2025 Prediction | Over 10.5 wins

I think they'll have a pretty solid regular season, especially given their cupcake of a schedule. Part of Taranis's cosmic cruelty is the way he toys with his prey. He'll give Shanahan and the Bay Area a little bit of hope before plunging them back into eternal darkness in the Divisional Round.

Seattle Seahawks

Highlight From Last Season

In what will surely go down as one of the most electrifying spectacles in NFL history (if you’ve recently sustained a head injury), the Seahawks edged the Bears 6–3 on Thursday Night Football in a white-knuckle, pulse-pounding display of field goal accuracy. Jason Myers was the hero, drilling a 27-yarder early and a jaw-dropping, edge-of-your-seat 50-yard bomb just before halftime, giving Seattle all the points they’d ever need. Sure, there were no touchdowns, and sure, the combined 308 total yards (and 308 tumblers of Scotch) put Al Michaels into an actual coma, but for one glorious night, America got the defensive slugfest it didn’t know it needed—and frankly, maybe didn’t want.

Lowlight From Last Season

Losing to the lowly Giants in Week 5 really hurt. The Seahawks finished 2024 at 10–7, tied with the Rams atop the NFC West, but lost the tiebreaker and missed the playoffs thanks to a stacked NFC North that sent three teams to the postseason. Beating dopey Daniel Jones in what turned out to be his second-to-last month as a Giant would’ve likely sealed the division and spared Seattle from spending January on their sad, rainy couches listening to Pearl Jam and staring longingly into their mugs of craft coffee or whatever they do up there.

Offseason Storyline

They replaced one Jets castoff with another, as Sam Darnold will join the team at quarterback and Geno Smith will head to Vegas. Here's Glassjaw Geno coming back to Seattle and flipping off their fans in a recent preseason game.

QB Situation

Sam Darnold, Drew Lock, Jalen Milroe.

I bet heavily against Darnold in the playoffs last year, but even with money on the line, I started to feel bad for the guy—and if my unimpressive, unathletic self is feeling bad for you, that’s probably not a great sign for your NFL future. Also not a good sign is how bad Seattle's offensive line is. Some rankings have them all the way at the bottom of the league. Sam Darnold might have looked great at times last year with a solid line in front of him in Minnesota. But when the Jets couldn't block for him, he was awful. Also, on behalf of all Giants fans, please fire Drew Lock into the sun.

2025 Prediction | Under 8.5 wins

Their defense will make them a miserable matchup, especially in Seattle, where the crowd noise is deafening and the weather is basically a long, damp fart (rain can suck it). But the offense? Nothing to get excited about. Darnold running for his life and lobbing ghost balls toward Cooper Kupp’s football corpse isn’t exactly the stuff Lombardi Trophies are made of.

Arizona Cardinals

Highlight From Last Season

The Cardinals were… fine in 2024. Not great, not terrible—just aggressively mid. Still, 8–9 was a nice upgrade from their 4-win misery in 2023. The high point came in Week 2, when they demolished the Rams 41–10 and Kyler Murray went nuts with three touchdowns, over 250 passing yards, 50 rushing yards, and a perfect passer rating. He became just the second player in NFL history to pull that off… and I'm pretty sure he was live-streaming Call of Duty on Twitch the whole time, Sam Bankman-Fried–style.

Lowlight From Last Season

The Cardinals spent the 4th overall pick on Marvin Harrison Jr., but his rookie year was wildly inconsistent. After managing just one catch in a winnable Week 1 game against the Bills, he rebounded with two touchdowns in a Week 2 blowout over the Rams. Unfortunately, the desert heat wasn’t the only thing causing fantasy nerds to chafe. He finished with 10 games under 50 receiving yards, a rookie season drier than an Applebee's steak in the Sonoran Desert at high noon.

Offseason Storyline

They paid Josh Sweat $76.4 million to leave the Eagles and stand in front of Kyler Murray's PlayStation 5.

QB Situation

Kyler Murray, Jacoby Brissett, Clayton True

Kyler has been a perennial breakout candidate since before we knew what “social distancing” meant. But guys, hear me out. This could finally be the year he puts it all together. I know I've been saying that since before the government used Covid-19 to turn all of the frogs gay. But this time... I really might mean it. I think. Probably. Okay, fine. See you here next year when I say it again.

2025 Prediction | Under 8.5 wins

They’re already dealing with a brutal schedule and a major defensive blow, with Sean Murphy-Bunting out for the year. Honestly, it feels more likely we’ll be hearing Kyler Murray trade rumors at the deadline than talking about a Wild Card push.

Los Angeles Rams

Highlight From Last Season

When their Wild Card matchup against the Vikings had to be moved out of Los Angeles because of the devastating wildfires, the Rams strolled right to the corner Know Your Role Boulevard and Jabroni Drive, raised the People's Eyebrow, and laid the absolute smackdown on Sam Darnold's roody-poo candy ass.

Lowlight From Last Season

Almost pulling off an incredible comeback/upset in the Divisional Round, but forgetting about Jalen Carter. Ugh.

Offseason Storyline

They basically swapped out Cooper Kupp's corpse for Davante Adams' dour demeanor in the wide receiver room. It's probably a net positive, but not if Matthew Stafford's back doesn't heal up soon. He's been missing practice all summer, which is tough news for the already slow-starting Rams.

QB Situation

Matthew Stafford, Jimmy Garoppolo, Stetson Bennett IV, Dresser Winn

Hopefully Jimmy G is remembering to take his Penicillin shots after his dates. He might be needed early in the season if Matthew Stafford's aggravated disc continues to be as aggravated as Davante Adams basically always is on the sidelines.

2025 Prediction | Over 9.5 wins

Old man jokes aside, I still like this team. A lot. McVay knows how to get his squads peaking at the right time—just look at last year’s second-half surge that got them into the playoffs and nearly past the Eagles. Kyren Williams is legit, and second-year back Blake Corum should keep the run game rolling. With Puka Nacua and Davante Adams out wide, defenses can’t double both. If Stafford’s back holds up, they’ll have something cooking. Get the man some Ben Gay and let's go!

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