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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get to the picks where the guys will try not to poop themselves this week.
Matt's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$77.86 last week -$57.00 for the season
My picks have been so bad that they are starting to attract national attention.
Yikes! The biggest lock of the week is my Uncle Jack thinking that video is real and sharing it on Facebook alongside these emojis: 🤔🙏✝️🇺🇸
Titans (-2.5)
Straight Up ATS (-112)
We were all over the Packers and Malik Willis last week. We are hopping off the train this week! The Titans defense has been pretty solid through two weeks. If it wasn't for Will Levis' brain farts, they could be undefeated right now. I don't expect Levis to make the same mistakes again, after his coach basically called him a dumbass to the national media. I also expect that having some tape on what the Packers want to do with Malik Willis at quarterback will help the Titans prepare for this one. It's definitely an ugly pick, and one that forces you to choose between two of the worst quarterbacks in the league. But as a young Jameis Winston (probably) said, "scared money don't make no money".
💰 $30.00 to win $26.78
Dolphins (+4.5)
Straight Up ATS (-112)
Oh yeah, we're staying with our crappy quarterback wagering as we throw some dollars down on the infamous Skylar Thompson. Backup quarterbacks catching more than a field goal are around 60% ATS in their first start of the season. Everyone is ready to give up on Miami after a lucky win against the lackluster Jaguars, a blowout loss to the Bills in primetime, and losing Tua Tagovailoa to yet another concussion. Meanwhile, the Seahawks are feeling great about themselves after starting the season 2-0 (barely beating the lowly Broncos and Patriots). Absolutely no one will be lining up to bet on Thompson on the road in Seattle inside that crazy-loud stadium. Sign me up!
💰 $30.00 to win $26.78
Falcons (+3.5)
Straight Up ATS (-118)
I'm fading the Chiefs here, possibly at my own peril. They've played two games and gotten very lucky to win both of them. They lost Isiah Pacheco to injury and have looked pretty porous on the ground. Their inability to run in this one (unless you're buying Samaje Perine stock) coupled with their inability to stop the run (and you should be buying Bijan Robinson stock), could make this a tough day for the Chiefs.
When I saw this line, I really thought the Chiefs must be at home to be giving that many points. Nope. This one is in Atlanta.
Mahomes historically isn't great against the spread as a favorite of more than 3 points. Sure, this barely qualifies. But he hasn't looked quite right. The Chiefs don't really have a left tackle and it definitely seems to be affecting Mahomes' confidence. He's had two uncharacteristically bad picks so far this season and this will be a tough spot to get right against a very solid Falcons defensive unit.
Betting on a hobbled Kirk Cousins against a Steve Spagnuolo pass rush is a bit terrifying. But reference my made up Jameis Winston quote above.
💰 $30.00 to win $25.42
Moneyline Parlay (+1071)
Vikings Cardinals Ravens 49ers
Kirk gets all the credit for taking the wild swings that somehow work out. I want some of the glory. And while 10-to-1 is a modest payout compared to some of his ridiculous long shots, I'm going to try to jump out to a nice lead in this little contest by hitting it.
Vikings: This is my Sam Darnold apology wager. He's been solid and Brian Flores' defense has been even solider. Let's look for them to steal this one against Uncle Jack's hero and put my Minnesota under win total bet into some serious jeopardy.
Cardinals: The Lions don't look like they know what they want to do offensively, even with so many weapons. Amon Ra is already hobbling around and won't be able to exploit the weak Arizona secondary. If they can hang around late, I like Kyler to pull off the upset.
Ravens: No way this team goes 0-3. They'll be throwing the kitchen sink at a depleted Cowboys defense. I also saw a red flag next to CeeDee Lamb's name early in the week, so he won't be 100%. Lamar Jackson is 22-7 ATS when favored by less than 3. They are favored by 1 here, so if the trend continues we'll emerge victorious on the moneyline.
49ers: Who is left on the Rams? I like the Rams. I like McVay. I think Stafford can get it done. But let's be realistic here. This is looking more and more like the season from hell for Los Angeles. I don't like their chances against a pissed off San Francisco team coming off a bad loss.
💰 $10.00 to win $107.12
Booty Watch
General Booty's UL Monroe squad was not in action since our last update, so the god amongst men is still undefeated. Although that's probably going to end on Saturday when the Warhawks travel to Austin, Texas to battle the Arch Manning-led top-ranked Longhorns as a 44.5-point underdog. As of right now, FanDuel won't let you bet the UL Monroe moneyline even if you wanted to. It's not looking great for the General, but if there's one thing we know Booty can do, it's surprise people!
Tyrod's Take
ay yo what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod back for another weekly segment where i tell ya which game this week reminds me of a tv program i watched on my microsoft surface while sittin on the bench. but before we get to all that, your picks last week reminded me of fuckin chernobyl on hbo. talmage, your teasers are the like elephant's foot at this point. they're so radioactive that even lookin at them can make you ill. get it? ill. you fools are gonna start havin to pay me for this shit. that is, if you have any money left after blowin it all shittin on the harbaugh brothers.
anyways, i gotta keep it shorter than usual this week. i'm gearin up for our home opener later this evenin against the pats. tell uncle jack to pay close attention, since i know he gets me and jacoby confused pretty regularly. i'll be the one chillin on the bench watchin the secret life of mormon wives and he'll be the one runnin for his life gettin chased down by will mcdonald all night. good luck out there, buddy.
i'm psyched to get my game outta the way tonight, 'cause it'll give me all day sunday to watch red zone on my sofa. shoutout to my boy scott hanson. you're gonna make a urologist very rich some day, homie. one game scottie boy won't be talkin about much is the chargers and the steelers. even though those two squads are 2-0, that game's gonna be like watchin an early-season episode of the leftovers. those two offenses are slow, draggin, and half the time you don't know if it's leadin somewhere or just wastin your damn time. all harbaugh wants to do is run. he's got justin herbert lookin like kevin garvey just starin into space and wonderin about the meanin of life. the steelers quarterback situation is still ambiguous as hell, kinda like the leftovers draggin out the sudden departure without ever givin you answers. every year you're puzzled by these teams. are they any good or just bumblin around mediocrity?
irregardless, good luck out there in week 3, boys. let's hope your picks are a little less depressing than the rapture.
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$200.00 for the season
I'm going to make it simple this week. I'm going to rip that band-aid off right away with a win or another nut punch loss.
That's right baby, time to wisely bet all of my funds for the week on Thursday Night Football. It's never gone wrong before and it ain't about to start now. My weekend will either start on a high note or with about 14 Miller Lites.
Jets/Patriots Over 38.5 Points (-115)
Now you may be saying, oh shit the over on a Thursday? Are you fucking insane? Well calm your tits and sit down for a minute. This is not a rash decision. I'm banking on a plethora of factors here.
This is the first Jets home game since Aaron Rodgers leg exploded last year. There are some demons to exorcise.
The Jets may not look like the AFC juggernauts they were hyped up to be but I saw some positives out of their offense last week. Breece Hall started to get going and had a great grab for a TD in the corner of the end zone. If Rodgers can get Garret Wilson involved we may finally see an explosion on offense and not from Rodgers' leg.
The Patriots have been a fiesty bunch so far this year. I know people are thinking this may be a defensive matchup but the Jets defense is still pretty trash. They only won because Will Levis and the Titans are fully inept. I think Brissett comes in and can threaten some points.
If the game isn't high scoring enough and entertaining Al Michaels may just die in the broadcast booth. That would be, not good. Kirk Herbstreit's dog would most likely feast on his corpse at the half.
These two teams hate each other. The Pats have been kicking the shit out of the Jets for over 20 years thanks to Tom Brady and some anger issues may have developed as a result. I'm looking forward to the Jets with some moxie for a change and maybe the Pats will step up to play spoiler.
I'm due and could really use a win. Everything else in my life is falling apart. I don't think I could handle any more disappointment.
💰 $100.00 to win $86.96
Kirk's Bonus Bet
The Harbutt's Bet (Round 3) (+253)
Steelers ML, Cowboys ML
THIS BET DOES NOT COUNT TOWARDS OUR ODDBALL COMPETITION AND IS JUST A SPITE BET.
💰 $100.00 to win $253.00
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week -$100.00 for the season
We can't help ourselves. We have to keep betting same game parlays on Thursday Night Football until we win. It's the rules. And then after we win, we'll still keep betting them. Tail at your own risk.
Rhamondre Stevenson 2+ Receptions
Hunter Henry 3+ Receptions
Breece Hall 25+ Receiving Yars
Parlay Odds +181
💰 $100.00 to win $181.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
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