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Matt commits an egregious faux pas and shit talks outside this forum. The friendship is dead.
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser has to drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Matt's Picks
$100.00 wagered $17.33 won -$259.52 for the season
After just 1.5 seasons of this competition, it has officially ruined our friendship. It's honestly surprising that it took this long since we've been bickering at each other like cranky old ladies since 2006. Here is the faux pas in question. Hit us up at hello@illandodd.com and let me know if I'm the asshole.
Kirk blaming me for this loss when he bet the over on a game in which Cooper Rush was the starting quarterback and Mike McCarthy was the head coach is really rich.
Anyway, I better enjoy my $17 profit because the full focus of the McCready Rage will be coming at me for the next 8 weeks. I expect many spite parlays as he attempts to stomp me into submission. And that's terrifying. I've known this guy for close to two decades and somehow the angrier he gets, the luckier he gets. I've had the pleasure/horror of seeing him on full tilt at the blackjack table enough to know that I'm in trouble. He once enforced a Monopoly "trade ban" against our friend Jake for two weeks because Jake had the audacity to get up and go pee during his turn.
We might need to shut down the site.
Colts (+3.5)
Straight up ATS (-105)
Joe Flacco's Resurgence was a fun story last year. The sequel has been a pile of shit so far. He started out Sunday's chapter with a pick six on the Colts' first play from scrimmage. Apparently not satisfied, he chucked up another interception on the Colts' second possession. Then he settled down and sucked me back in, only to completely crap the bed with a third interception and a lost fumble to close the book. You can't tell me Anthony Richardson wouldn't at least be more exciting at this point. What do they have to lose?
Here's a quick note from my Uncle Jack:
Wow Joe Falco was almost as bad as that no good cyber bully Jared Goof. I can't believe he beat my hero T.J. Shroud even though he had FIVE interceptions. That performance was even uglier than when he stretched out his scrotum, took pictures of it, Tweeted them to my friend Tony from the plant's niece, and said "check out my batwing". I reported it to Alan Musk but he was busy saving America by paying Pennsylvania coal miners in doggie coins. Can you come over later and show me how to use a crypto wallet? I tried to sign in but it keeps autoplaying Blue Bloods on Netflix. I saw you got in trouble for making fun of Alan on Threads. You better be careful. Our new president has been spending every night since Tuesday getting jacked up on Diet Coke and writing his deportation list on the back of his Big Mac wrappers. I'm hoping Goof will be on it before you, since he hacked Tony from the plant's niece's Truth Social account and posted a six hour loop of Trump dancing to Lumineers songs. But it still isn't a great idea to call any attention to yourself. You're commitment to lowering the price of eggs is not exactly satisfactory. Anyway, I'm officially off of the T.J. Shroud bandwagon. Anybody that comes out on the losing end of a 5-pick Goof outing is no American hero. Stay tuned for my second half quarterback power rankings to see who wins my affection. And speaking of love affairs, you and Kirk better kiss and make up while you still have the chance. Come January, they'll be no more of that boy on boy romance unless you want to join Colin up in Canada. But hey, look on the bright side... at least the endless barrage of fundraising texts should dry up soon.
❌ Lost $20.00
Saints (+3.5)
Straight up ATS (-105)
Man, the Saints absolutely hated Dennis Allen. They were so happy to have him out the door that even Derek Carr looked excited! He must have taken a break from listening to Bauhaus long enough to study the playbook. The funniest thing I read is that new coach Darren "The Rizzler" Rizzi has implemented a regimen of stretching and warming up before practice begins. How was this not in place already? You're telling me that under Dennis Allen the team just... didn't stretch at all? They just showed up and started tackling each other completely cold? Who's idea was that? Also Coach Rizzi admitted to clogging the toilet during his pre-game dump. This guy is great! Anyway, good win for the Saints but now it's time to go back to fading Derek Croissant and Coach Dumper.
✅ Won $19.05
Chargers (-7.5)
Straight up ATS (-105)
The Chargers are interesting. They didn't even look like they were trying particularly hard in this game, and yet still won by double digits. The Titans defense was a bit feistier than I expected after an overtime game last week, but strong play from Justin Herbert was enough to overcome it. Look out for the Bolts, as Harbutt and Herbert could have us all sleeping on them until January. Their ability to get sacks, run the ball, and shorten the game will be useful come playoff time. It's pretty fucking boring to watch, but it's effective.
✅ Won $19.05
Steelers (+2.5)
Straight up ATS (-104)
Wow what a fun game! I felt like I was watching Wild Card Weekend. Even the Steelers offense was exciting for once, with Russell Wilson's long ball to Mike Williams making me nostalgic for the 2014 version of Russ, before all the shirtless high knees on the plane and creepy beach behavior ran him out of town. Kudos to Tomlin for at least appearing like he was going for it on a 4th & 2 to close out the game. Awful job by the Commanders to fall for it and jump offsides to end the game. That'll happen to a young team Washington, who will now have to go face the Eagles on a short week. Good luck.
Meanwhile Tomlin adds to his impressive record as an underdog and improves to 27-6 against rookie quarterbacks. The Steelers are 7-2 but now have a gauntlet of a schedule coming up. And because it's Tomlin, we know they are gonna go 9-8 or 8-9. The fade starts now.
✅ Won $19.23
49ers (-6.5)
Straight up ATS (-105)
I felt like Jake Moody was holding even more of a grudge against me than Kirk. He missed 3 field goals in a game that San Francisco probably should have run away with. Taranis was trying really hard to hex them into a loss, but he already spent all his energy saving the Chiefs. He did possess Deebo Samuel though.
❌ Lost $20.00
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$523.02 for the season
There are things you don't do. Bad gambling form is a general lack of courtesy reserved for frat bros and noobies.
Neither of which Matt is.
You know it when you see it. A man rah rahing his $25 blackjack when his tablemate just lost his $500 bet. Someone with say, 5 different $20 bets shit talking and wishing ill on someone with a chance to win over $400 who took a shot only to lose in the most heartbreaking fashion on the final leg of a parlay that makes him question, football, gambling, friendship, and writing in general. Anything that isn't a bottle.
I'm Using My 'One Time' This Time For Parlay Time (+431)
Bills Money line over the Colts - Easy. ✅
Steelers & Commanders over 44.5 - Easier. ✅
Eagles & Cowboys over 42.5?
Jalen Hurts throws end zone pick in first quarter.
Zeke, slow ass, Elliot fumbles a TD through the end zone for a touchback.
Matt insistently chirps about the game and puts his bad voodoo stink on it.
Eagles get yet another turn over in Dallas territory on their 29 yard line with over 10 minutes left in the 4th and a chance to get a touchdown to hit the over. They pull Jalen Hurts and put in Kenney Picket who:
Eagles Kick a FG to make it 40 points with over 10 minutes left.
Jack all shit back and forth awfulness for 9 minutes and 30 seconds.
Eagles go for a QB sneak 4th and 1 from Dallas 40ish yard line.
Cowboys kneel it out.
❌
Losing the 1st leg of a Parlay is whatever.
2nd leg stings.
3rd leg looking grim only to roar back with a comical amount of time left on the clock and then lose?
❌ Lost $100.00
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week +$835.00 for the season
Diontae Johnson was as invisible in this game as liberal voters in rural Pennsylvania.
Same Game Parlay (+395)
Joe Burrow 2+ passing touchdowns ✅
Ja'Marr Chase 70+ receiving yards ✅
Lamar Jackson 200+ passing yards ✅
Diontae Johnson 25+ receiving yards ❌
❌ Lost $100.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!