Oddball: Week 2 NFL Bets

Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.

Welcome to Overreaction Week in the NFL, where we'll try to decide which teams that looked terrible on Sunday will look better this week... and which ones are the Giants.

Our rules are simple:

• Each of us gets $100 to bet every week.

• We must bet the entire $100.

• Picks go up Thursday, recaps on Tuesday.

• Only bets that resolve that week (no futures).

• Loser does the TB12 diet for a week

Any weekly profit can be banked and rolled forward. Any portion of the $100 you don’t lose stays in your total, but you can’t reuse it.

Now that the rules preamble is over, let’s get to the picks — and see if Kirk keep up the momentum.

Matt's Picks

$112.41 available to bet this week +$12.41 last week +$12.41 for the season

Before we get to the picks, just a quick moment of gratitude. A huge thank you to our millions of loyal readers, many of whom sent me birthday wishes this morning. And another huge thank you to Dunkin Donuts for selling me an extra large coffee before work after my kids woke me up by playing "Happy Birthday" on their kazoos. What a nice, relaxing day so far. Let's go make some money with these selections.

Jaguars (+3.5)

Straight up ATS (-110)

Week 2 is a Rorschach test for us degenerates. Do you trust what you saw in Week 1, or do you chalk it up to rust and move on? One thing you can bank on: Zac “Mai Tai” Taylor still smelling like sunscreen and shrimp cocktail, running this team with the sophistication of a Señor Frogs drink menu. The Bengals might’ve technically “won” in Cleveland, but it smelled less like a hard-earned victory and more like the Browns shat the bed again.

This line opened at +5.5 before getting steamrolled down to +3.5 by sharp money. The wise guys like the Jags, and frankly, I get it. You’ve got Trevor “Lank” Lawrence — half QB, half cruiserweight babyface, all hair — tossing to Brian Thomas Jr. and Travis Hunter against a very weak Bengals secondary. Travis Etienne should get loose on the ground, and Jacksonville’s kicker is actually pretty trustworthy, unlike whatever jabroni the Browns trotted out there last week.

Meanwhile, Burrow is still doing his best impression of a Milan runway model — immaculate turtleneck game, questionable pocket presence — behind an O-line that couldn’t block my Roomba from smearing cat puke across the carpet (true story). And let’s not forget: the Bengals’ defense is flimsier than a Temu lawn chair.

Give me Lank and the Jags catching more than a field goal against an overrated, injury-ravaged Bengals team led by a coach with more Hilton Honors points than Paris herself.

💰$44.00 to win $40.00

49ers (-3.0)

Straight up ATS (-110)

Ah, Taranis. A violent and vengeful entity, still obsessed with settling his vendetta against Kyle Shanahan by vexing his players with all kinds of maladies, illnesses, and misfortunes. But thankfully for us, the 49ers are playing the Saints — who we all pretty much penciled in for a top-three draft pick before Labor Day.

Brock Purdy's injury means we only have to cough up a field goal to fade Spencer Rattler, who looks less like an NFL starter and more like the future QB2 of the Edmonton Elks. Enter Mac Jones, Shanahan’s old draft crush, who basically plays quarterback like a Subaru Outback. And that’s more than enough against this Saints defense that just surrendered 146 rushing yards to James Conner and Trey Benson. Christian McCaffrey should slice them up like a honey-baked ham on Easter Sunday. Meanwhile, the public is lining up behind New Orleans, which is adorable in the same way it’s adorable when my Uncle Jack brags about “almost going pro” before striking out looking in beer-league softball. I’ll happily fade that optimism. Give me the 49ers at a bargain price, because the only thing shakier than Rattler in the pocket is the bartender at the Fairmont Acapulco whipping up Zac Taylor’s second Mai Tai before halftime.

💰$44.00 to win $40.00

Moneyline Parlay (+223)

Ravens Cowboys Patriots

It took an absolutely ludicrous comeback from one of the best athletes to ever play quarterback to knock off the Ravens last week. Now Baltimore’s back at home, laying double digits against their old pal Joe Flacco. Do they cover? Who knows. But this roster is way too good to stumble into 0-2. Pencil them in as the sweetener in our parlay cocktail (calm down, Zac... it's not for you!)

Now let’s fade a couple of offenses in Miami and New York that basically look like this:

The Giants’ offensive offensive line is already in midseason meltdown mode. Malik Nabers is ready to murder Russell Wilson, who looked like he was running through quicksand in Week 1, and unless Jaxson Dart magically appears in blue, this is a dead team walking. Dallas has beaten the Giants 11 out of the last 12 times, and every one has felt like punishment for those two Super Bowls where we bartered with Taranis to slay Brady. Giants football since then has been pure misery.

And speaking of misery, let's check in on the Miami Dolphins. They have yet to record a stop in 2025, letting Daniel Jones' broken neck score on every single possession in Week 1. They trotted out a safety named Storm Duck (who didn’t even finish the game), Tyreek Hill is tangled in legal trouble, Tua looks like a shell of himself, and Mike McDoofus is supposedly running a Ferrari offense that currently handles like Paul Blart's Segway. The wheels aren’t just off in Miami — they’ve rolled into Biscayne Bay. So how in the world is this team favored? Jump on the fade while you still can. The Bills are waiting for them on Thursday night in Buffalo, and by then we might be staring at a Dolphins spread north of 20.

💰$24.41 to win $54.52

Kirk's Picks

$137.50 available to bet this week +$37.50 last week +$37.50 for the season

You know what they say about week 2 in the NFL - too early to have a real feel for the field but tough shit! You have to bet! This is what we do! You have no real personality!

But really looking at the board I found myself hesitating too much - so I'm dropping it all on one game this week to put me out of my misery.

For the first time ever, maybe by fate, I'm using Matts strategy of picking the biggest looking turd out of the punchbowl as it's the only thing that made my gut move. I hate it.

Titans (+5.5)

Straight up ATS (-105)

Yes, the Titans. A team that I don't think I've ever bet on in my entire adult life. All that my instincts are telling me is that Cam Ward's receivers dropped a half dozen balls last week, or else that Broncos team was in serious trouble of an upset.

I liked the look of him and think perhaps this week the balls go the other way, and you know, are actually caught by his receivers and they can get something going here. From a defensive perspective, holding the Broncos to 20 under the circumstances and the hype around Bo Nix (who I like) is also an important marker given how many times they were forced to punt from drive killers.

The Rams are coming into town after a lack luster performance against the Texans (admittedly a good D), but the Rams also have been slow to get it going the last few years. Matthew Stafford also has lingering back pain, so I think the Titans have a shot to keep this competitive.

I still hate it though.

Bye!

💰$137.50 to win $130.95

Bonus Bet

$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$100.00 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

This week's goal... try to hit at least one leg of our parlay. Baby steps.

Same-Game Parlay (+576)

• Packers -3.5

• Terry McLaurin anytime touchdown

• Josh Jacobs anytime touchdown

💰 $100.00 to win $576.91

Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!