Oddball: Week 8 NFL Bets

Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.

The gang is riding high after a perfect Week 7. Overconfidence, tons of bye weeks, and uncertain quarterback statuses across the board in Week 8. What could go wrong?

Our rules are simple:

• Each of us gets $100 to bet every week.

• We must bet the entire $100.

• Picks go up Thursday, recaps on Tuesday.

• Only bets that resolve that week (no futures).

• Loser does the TB12 diet for a week

Any weekly profit can be banked and rolled forward. Any portion of the $100 you don’t lose stays in your total, but you can’t reuse it.

Now that the rules preamble is over, let’s get to the picks — and see if we can get richer than Mike Evans' orthopedist.

Matt's Picks

$260.00 available to bet this week +$160.00 last week +$211.50 for the season

I have a big bankroll to play with this week, but I kind of hate the entire slate. Looks like it might be bye-mageddon to my savings account. I guess I’ll diversify this week — spread my bets around the way AJ spread mono around the Lancaster Court apartments that one fateful sophomore weekend when I decided a Beer Helmet from Spencer’s Gifts was a sound financial investment.

Falcons (-7.5)

Straight Up ATS (-108)

Let's face it, we're not going to have many more opportunities to bet against the lethal combo of Tua Tagovailoa and Mike McDoofus. We have to take advantage of it while we can. When these two weren't busy throwing each other under the bus during press conferences, their team was giving up giving up 206 rushing yards to Rico Dowdle. Now they have to figure out how to contain Bijan Robinson? Good luck.

💰$52.00 to win $48.15

Bucs (-4.5)

Straight Up ATS (-102)

I like betting a good team to bounce back after an embarrassing loss on national television. The Bucs fit the bill. Even without Mike Evans, they are miles better than the Saints. I don't get the Saints. Every week I listen to all these wise guys talk about how they are a great bet and are so much better than their record. And every week they lose. Their only win was against my beloved Giants, who gift wrapped the game for them by turning the ball over on five straight possessions. Give me a pissed off Baker Mayfield in a divisional game against Spencer Rattler any day of the week.

💰$52.00 to win $50.98

Steelers (+3.0)

Straight Up ATS (-120)

If you're like the millions of readers who have followed this site for multiple years, you know that I love betting Mike Tomlin as a home underdog. He is now 21-7-3 against the spread in such situations. Pair that with the Packers lukewarm last four weeks where they lost to the Browns, tied the Cowboys, handled the Jake Browning-led Bengals, and barely snuck past the reeling Cardinals. As my Uncle Jack would say, Jeremiah Love better start practicing football instead of the saxophone. If that blank sheet of computer paper folds in Pittsburgh, you can bet his predecessor will emerge from his darkness retreat grinning through his graybeard.

💰$52.00 to win $43.33

Jets (+6.5)

Straight Up ATS (-110)

I spent way too much time in rush hour traffic this week driving to work meetings, which meant I got reacquainted with my old friend WFAN. One caller — Augie from Bayonne — stole the show. “Hey Boomah, thanks for takin’ my call. Would the Jets be bettah off with A.I. coachin’ ’em instead of A.G.? I swear, the computah could call bettah plays than this jabroni! They should just ask ChatJBT [sic] how to play defense.”

It was a masterpiece. The kind of unhinged Jersey poetry that reminds you why sports radio exists. And as someone whose team just blew an 18-point lead with six minutes left, I still found comfort in knowing we’re not the biggest joke in New York football.

So why am I betting on them? AY YO! It's ya boy Tyrod! I think we’re getting friend-of-the-site Tyrod Taylor this week, even though he’s officially “day-to-day” with a knee injury. It’s basically confirmed — he’s been ghosting my texts all week to “avoid spoilers” for his favorite TV shows. Classic Tyrod. The man gets cranky anytime he has to study the playbook instead of catching up on the Task finale.

Side note: Jets to go winless on the season is +2500 on FanDuel right now if you want to hedge a bit.

💰$52.00 to win $47.27

Moneyline Parlay (-106)

Bills, Patriots, Colts, Chiefs

The Bills still have the third-best odds to win the Super Bowl, despite their recent hiccups. A legit contender is not losing to Andy Dalton after a bye week. Next.

As much as it hurts me, Drake Maye is turning into a star in front of our eyes. I'm a bit weary of laying a full seven points because of how good Cleveland's defense is. But the moneyline at home against Dillon Gabriel (who is looking over his shoulder at Shedeur) should be a no-sweat win.

To my knowledge, there hasn't been a more profitable betting angle over the past two seasons than fading the Titans. Let's do it again here by taking the red hot Colts on the moneyline. Call me crazy, but I'm not laying two touchdowns with Daniel Jones yet.

The Chiefs made baby food out of the pathetic Raiders last week. Now they get to face a perennial backup Marcus Mariota, who will be filling in for Jayden Daniels this week. I don't like Marcus's chances going into a fired up Arrowhead Stadium on a Monday Night against Steve Spagnuolo's defense. This one will be over early so I can get my beauty sleep.

💰$52.00 to win $49.08

Kirk's Picks

$190.91 available to bet this week +$91.91 last week -$309.09 for the season

I've got a god damned spring in my step and for once my feeble body isn't failing me.

I'm still in the red of course but having a little bit of cushion from last week allows me to get back to my comfort zone. I will envelope myself with the sweet, sweet caress of multiple parlays that will edge me all the way through Saturday night. The actual results are Sunday's problem.

Spooky Baltimore Parlay (+264)

Ravens -6.5, Bengals -6.5

Baltimore legend Joe Flacco is back from the dead which is spooky. Lamar is also kind of back from the dead. The City itself is spooky as documented below. This is perfect wordplay that I spent a lot of time on.

Really the reasoning for the bet here is the shitty Jets getting under a TD against anyone, sign me up.

And although they are a feel good team, the Bears have a lot of holes. Caleb has been shaky and the defensive takeaways as always, seem unsustainable (see Jaguars). Expect the Ravens to come out and play F U football after being embarrassed this year.

💰$90.91 to win $240.42

Dudes In Leather Chaps Parlay (+265)

49ers +1.5, Cowboys +3.5

1. Broncos just blew their (insert everything here) doing that hilarious comeback against the Giants. Congrats Broncos, that was your Super Bowl. And yea Cowboys offense is #1.

2. Texans are ass.

💰$50.00 to win $132.51

I'm Just A Dude, Who Loves 4 Other Dudes Parlay (+821)

Rico Dowdle ATS, Derrick Henry ATS, Christian McCaffery ATS, Bijan Robinson ATS

💰$50.00 to win $410.57

Bonus Bet

$100.00 available to bet this week +$270.14 last week -$329.86 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

We were starting to feel like the 2008 Lions with these bets, but we finally got a win! Let's keep the good vibes going, fellas.

There WILL be a successful 2-point conversion on Thursday Night Football (+290)

There has been one of these in seven weeks.

We have won one Bonus Bet in seven weeks.

It's a sign!

💰 $100.00 to win $290.00

Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!