How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

Have you been in a state of depression for the last 3 fiscal quarters? Well, have I got a product for yooooouuUUUU!!!!!

Are you suffering from mild to severe end times depression?

Do you find yourself doomscrolling so much as you take a dump that it bleeds into the next dump and your legs are so fully asleep that you go to stand up and you fall naked writhing in pain into your shower ripping the curtain down on top of you while your significant other pounds furiously with concern on the bathroom door?

Have you wandered 500 miles through the prison that is your mind only to turn around staring at the 500 miles home to your family when you last felt joy and wished to walk there again?

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Introducing, DERISIVMAGVITA!

Simply shove the short yet girthy pill right up your ass for the best results.

I've been taking DERISIVMAGVITA! for a month now and I have got to say, I'm starting to see results.

I no longer have nervous sweats while scrolling through Reddit, no, they've been replaced by a calm certainty that the pieces of shit who have been ruining lives don't in fact deserve my decency!

My body is overcome with the holy spirit of Ray Barboni and I often feel the urge to look aforementioned pieces of shit in the eye and say, "no no no, fuck you fuck ball".

I hate my job!

I no longer look in the mirror and call myself a giant pussy!

I love my family!

I hate people who hate people, but for the right reasons!

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If you're like me, you just may start giving a damn again.

Side effects of DERISIVMAGVITA! may include balding, arthritis, deep sense of emptiness followed by the sudden rush of certainty that the universe keeps on spinning baby!