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Oddball 2026: Week 2 NFL Bets
Our 2026 debut was about as lackluster as the Rams' trip down under. Can we bounce back in Week 2, when all of the games return to their regular hemisphere?
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser must watch an entire playoff game alone at Outback Steakhouse in a suit and tie, order a Bloomin’ Onion for one, and tell the server he’s celebrating something special. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Matt's Week 1 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($50.49) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($50.49) |
❌ Seahawks (-3.5) lost $25.00
✅ 49ers (+3.5) won $24.51
❌ Bucs (+3.5) lost $25.00
❌ Teaser: Texans (+7.5) & Packers (+7.5) lost $20.00
❌ Parlay: Panthers (ML) & Jets (ML) & Dolphins (ML) lost $5.00
Introducing my new segment: Dipshits of the Week.
Drew Lock
I’ve hated Drew Lock since Week 17 of the 2024 season. That’s when he started for the Giants in a mega-upset of the Colts, becoming just the fifth player in NFL history with 300+ passing yards, four passing touchdowns, a rushing touchdown and a 155+ passer rating in the same game. He boned my 10-to-1 parlay and screwed the Giants out of the No. 1 overall pick in one afternoon.
Lock climbed even higher on my shit list Wednesday night when he took an idiotic delay-of-game penalty that forced Seattle to settle for a field goal, then had a touchdown pass nullified by an illegal shift that was 100% his fault. He left at least eight points on the field in a game I lost by the hook.
Drew Lock has now ruined two different days of my life without knowing I exist.
Baker Mayfield
Apparently Baker forgot to wash the vape juice off his hands before Sunday afternoon. He celebrated his new $165 million extension by losing three fumbles and handing the unimpressive Bengals an easy cover.
That’s a remarkably efficient $55 million per fumble. Keep it up, dipshit.
Matt LaFleur
I was sitting on Packers +7.5 to close out my teaser. They led 22-10 with 20 minutes to play, then somehow surrendered 29 unanswered points to Carson Wentz and lost 39-22.
That’s quite a choke job by LaFool, who has now lost six straight games despite holding second-half leads in four of them. Somewhere, Brandon Staley is admiring the craftsmanship.
Mike McDaniel
New team. Same parachute pants and underwhelming offensive performances for D.J. Mike McDoofus.
The overhyped Chargers managed 14 points in a 26-14 home loss to the Cardinals as nine-point favorites. I don’t want to hear about McDaniel’s elite offensive mind ever again. He just let a Jacoby Brissett-led offense outgain his team by 125 yards.
Perhaps the aviator shades need a new prescription.
Mother Nature
Thanks for dumping enough rain on southern Connecticut Sunday that I had to turn around on the Merritt Parkway and drive south in the northbound lane to avoid drowning. It was super fun returning from a golf weekend with Kirk and the boys slightly hungover, soaking wet, and late for kickoff.
Nothing takes the edge off a golf-weekend hangover like hydroplaning down the Merritt while Baker Mayfield murders your FanDuel account.
Kirk's Week 1 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
❌ Parlay: Stafford (2+ Passing TD) & Garrett (1+ Sack) lost $100.00
I certainly, did not have, a G' day mate.
The Australia experiment is rousing success - for no one.
The Rams looked like dog shit after their 30-hour journey into and out of Australia, and I managed to curse both Stafford and Garrett.
Garrett clearly flew too close to the sun, and by sun I mean the 49ers who, as we cover extensively and exclusively on this forum, are cursed by Taranis forever. He's out for at least a month with min-is-cuz injury.
I hate myself for taking a bet on a stand-alone game, let alone one in another continent.
I am a moron.
Please see GIF above.
Bonus Bet Week 1 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | $218.75 |
Season Profit or Loss | $218.75 |
Smith-Njigba (ATS) won
Seahawks (ML) won
Darnold (200+ Passing Yards) void
When Darnold went down after his first series, we assumed last season’s curse had renewed its lease for 2026. But in a rare act of corporate mercy, FanDuel’s injury protection voided the Darnold leg (hip?), allowing us to limp away with our first Bonus Bet win since Week 7 of 2025.
Matt's Week 2 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($50.49) |
I always find Week 2 to be pretty difficult. You can't overreact to Week 1, but you also can't hold onto your preseason convictions for too long or you'll find yourself on a lonely drive to Ithaca. I'll try to thread the needle this week and get back in the black.
Nice Safe Teaser (-134)
Bucs -2.5 Eagles -1.0
The teasers will continue until morale improves.
Let’s start with the Bucs, who fumbled their way to a disappointing loss in Cincinnati last week. Despite turning it over four times, they still battled back and made it a game late. Now they have a perfect get-right spot at home against Todd Monken and a Browns offense that barely registered a pulse in Jacksonville. The good news for Cleveland is that after two consecutive weeks in Florida, they should at least be acclimated to the humidity. The bad news is that Deshaun Watson could wind up the subject of an actual “Florida Man” headline before kickoff.
I like Baker and the boys to spit out their Zyn pouches, crush a couple cans of Celsius, and take care of business.
Then let’s round it out with Kirk’s beloved Birds, who pulled off their favorite move in Week 1: making their entire fan base miserable for three hours but winning anyway. The operative phrase is "winning anyway", something Titans quarterback Cam Ward has managed just three times in his first 18 NFL starts. His success rate is somehow worse than mine on these teasers, and I don’t see it improving behind the league’s 29th-ranked offensive line. If Jalen Carter’s wrist cooperates, Ward may spend Sunday eating more grass than my cousin Colin.
💰 $50.00 to win $37.50
Texans (-2.5)
Straight up ATS (-105)
I was excited about the Texans this year because I thought their defense would be absolutely smothering. Instead, they gave up 36 points to Buffalo while Josh Allen danced freely through the secondary like Kirk abandoning his wife mid-conversation when “Electric Feel” comes on at the party.
Still, a lot of defenses looked rusty in Week 1, and Houston has too much talent to stay this bad for long. The pleasant surprise was the offense, which put up 31 points behind a shockingly competent running game from David Montgomery, who finished with 60 yards and two touchdowns.
Now the Texans host the Bengals, who managed to disguise a shaky Joe Burrow performance by having four somewhat fluky turnovers dropped into their laps by Vape Juice Baker. Burrow looked like he spent August tagging along on Zac Taylor’s annual six-week beach vacation, but Cincinnati escaped with a win anyway.
This is where I stick to my guns. I thought the Texans were underrated and the Bengals were overrated before the season, and I refuse to let 60 minutes of contradictory evidence interfere with a perfectly good gambling take. Cincinnati won but looked suspect. Houston lost a close game to the best quarterback in football, and its supposedly dominant defense still has plenty of room to wake up.
Give me Houston and the warm, reassuring embrace of confirmation bias.
💰 $25.00 to win $23.81
Saints (+8.5)
Straight up ATS (-115)
You absolutely cannot leave the back door open for Tyler Shough. If you do, he’ll happily wander inside, make you say, “Who the hell is this guy, and how is he a professional athlete?”, eat your leftover lo mein straight from the fridge, ask for the Wi-Fi password, and suddenly you’re heading to overtime.
Just ask the Detroit Lions, who learned this lesson the hard way last week. After taking a 21-0 lead, they needed nearly the entire overtime period and a missed two-point conversion to escape with the victory.
After coming up just short of the Week 1 upset, the Saints will travel to Baltimore to face a Ravens team that has already been coronated Super Bowl champion by the national media after beating up on a one-legged Daniel Jones. Add in Zay Flowers missing the game, the aforementioned threat of a backdoor intrusion, and the ever-present possibility that Lamar Jackson wakes up Sunday morning with an unspecified Victorian illness, and I think the Saints are a live dog this week.
Maybe I’ve been drinking too many hurricanes. Maybe Tyler Shough is already in my kitchen.
💰 $25.00 to win $21.74
Kirk's Week 2 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
I'm glad I recalled my bread-and-butter bets before venturing forth too far into the football season.
The three-way parlay, the trio, trifecta, tripod, Tres Leches, whatever you call it - I hit those all the time the past two seasons.
There's only one thing for it.
Two Weddings and a Funeral (+633)
Tampa Bay Bucs -8.5, Bengals @ Texans Over 45.5, Jags @ Broncos Over 45.5
For our new readers, you may think I'm not the most verbose guy. Most of that is because my bets are straight from the gut. Then the brain kicks in to confirm if I'm totally off my ass.
My friends would tell you, usually my gut is right. Or I can make myself right by shouting at the dice loud enough to make them fall how I need them to fall.
But since my compatriot somehow finds the time to write formal essays each week without using Claude or some other clanker mechanism, I find it necessary to defend my honor and explain my rationale.
Wedding No. 1: Joe Burrow! Come on down with your fabulous arm, acid washed jeans, and bleached tips (bring them back). Bengals offense looked capable against the Bucs in week 1, yes, I know they were the beneficiary of turnovers, but they converted. Could this team have a spark of the previous Super Bowl run? I think so. And their Bride for this weekend is suddenly competent CJ Stroud (don't watch the final drive). With the Houston D not operating on all cylinders (yet) I'm looking forward to a shootout. Plus, Bengals D still has a whiff of ass on it!
Wedding No. 2: Oh my god, I mean what a couple. Trevor Lawrence and Bo Nix look like a couple of frat boys who made it, against all odds. The Jags dismantled the Browns last week, which is what you do to bad teams, and the Broncos, in week 2, WEEK 2, already have to answer if they're a serious team after eating shit from the Chiefs. I remain a Bo-liever. I think Sean Payton is a huge asshole who got embarrassed, and he'd rather drive into a telephone pole then lose back-to-back weeks to the Jags franchise. Broncos at home playing pissed but with a defense that suddenly looks human. Bit of a theme with wedding no. 1. Give me all the points!
Funeral No. 1: The Browns. Watching a team quit before the end of the 1st quarter of the 1st game of the season is quite the sight. Have them going up against a pissed off Baker, well, only one thing for it.
💰 $100.00 to win $633.00
The Guys' Week 2 Bonus Bet
Same-Game Parlay (+408)
Buffalo Bills moneyline Amon-Ra St. Brown any time touchdown scorer Josh Allen over 1.5 passing touchdowns Dalton Kincaid over 2.5 receptions
Praise be to Taranis, merciful god of gambling, breaker of curses and divine voider of injured quarterback props.
We repent for having scorned you in winters past. Last week, when Samuel Darnold fell before completing his appointed task, you did not smite our parlay. Instead, you reached down from the heavens, marked his leg “VOID,” and delivered us from months of Bonus Bet misery.
Now we return to your altar seeking a blessing four hundred and eightfold.
Protect our wager from Achilles and his woeful heel. Grant victory to the great Bills of the house Buffalo. May the arm of Joshua Allen be propelled forward by your glorious breath not once, but twice into the end zone. Permit Amon-Ra, though he serves a lesser sun god, one sacred touchdown. And guide the ball safely into the hands of Dalton Kincaid no fewer than three times.
Keep flags in officials’ pockets, defenders one step behind, and all knees, ankles, hamstrings, and concussion protocols mercifully untroubled.
In thunder, touchdowns, and irresponsibly correlated wagers, we pray.
Amen, and praise be to the void.
💰 $100.00 to win $408.34
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
