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Oddball 2026: Week 3 NFL Bets
Our individual picks have been the usual brand of bad, but the power of friendship (and Josh Allen) has propelled us to two-straight Bonus Bet wins.
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser must watch an entire playoff game alone at Outback Steakhouse in a suit and tie, order a Bloomin’ Onion for one, and tell the server he’s celebrating something special. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Matt's Week 2 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($53.26) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($103.75) |
❌ Teaser: Eagles (-1.0) & Bucs (-2.5) lost $50.00 ❌ Texans (-2.5) lost $25.00
✅ Saints (+8.5) won $21.74
Welcome back to the internet's favorite segment: Dipshits of the Week.
Baker Mayfield
The $165 million walking Juul pod strikes again. Through two weeks, Faker Mayfield has produced one touchdown and four turnovers, a ratio typically reserved for rookie quarterbacks and people playing Madden after eight Keystone Lights.
His latest crime against quarterbacking came at home against his former team, where the Bucs lost outright as nine-point favorites. In the process, Baker killed my teaser for the second consecutive week and unceremoniously bounced me from my Knockout Pool before the leaves even started changing colors. Thanks, dipshit!
Deshaun Watson
This was supposed to be the last time I ever had to think about this creep. But just like in his personal life, Deshaun doesn’t understand when he isn’t wanted. Unfortunately for human decency, his NFL career will continue for at least one more week.
I probably should’ve seen this coming. What exactly about America in 2026 led me to believe karma was still operational?
Hey, Taranis: Instead of smiting my teasers, maybe redirect a little bad juju toward Cleveland next week. The Browns are hosting the Panthers, a poetically fitting opponent for Watson to pull a Full Delhomme (five interceptions) and slink back toward irrelevance where he belongs.
Raymond James Stadium
Of course, my most painful gambling loss of the day couldn’t even have the decency to be swift. With Tampa driving at the Browns’ 28-yard line, down four and threatening to score the touchdown that would miraculously save my teaser, we got a two-hour lightning delay instead of a two-minute warning.
A lightning delay in a sport that prioritizes Yahoo Fantasy over preventing brain damage is, frankly, un-American. Baker was so full of Zyn and Celsius that he wouldn’t have even noticed if he’d been electrocuted. Let him finish the drive! Man, when did I start sounding like Uncle Jack?
Predictably, the game resumed at 6:10 PM, right smack in the middle of dinner with my kids. So I had to surreptitiously watch Faker’s final fourth-down throw sail beyond Emeka Egbuka in the end zone while sobbing into my spaghetti and receiving the same look from my wife that she gives me whenever I ask if she read my website.
C.J. Stroud
C.J. Stroud became the first quarterback in NFL history to throw for more than 350 yards without an interception while his team scored fewer than 10 points. Through two weeks, he somehow has 627 passing yards and zero picks. But also zero wins, only two touchdowns, and a dismal 60.2% completion rate. He’s having an MVP season between the 20s and ripping wet farts all over the red zone.
Uncle Jack texted me mid-game to confirm that, effective immediately, Stroud’s portrait had been removed from the Wall of Fame in his den and replaced by a Norman Rockwell-style painting of Harrison Butker’s wife making him a sandwich.
My Fellow Giants Fans
Are we a bunch of dipshits or what? How could we possibly have thought this year was going to be anything other than abject misery?
Moving forward, I think the Giants should just ride out the season with Jameis. The crab legs may have been sitting out in the Florida sun for too long, but I wouldn’t give up draft capital just to transform a three-win team into a five-win team.
But because this is the internet, where every quarterback injury must immediately trigger a 19,000-word reaction, I’ll throw my speculative hat into the ring and present six options that moved the needle for me by roughly half a point.
Jimmy Garoppolo
Why it might happen: He’s a free agent, so this wouldn’t cost the Giants any future picks. He spent the past two seasons backing up Matthew Stafford, so presumably he has maintained at least the vague physical outline of an NFL quarterback. He’s only 34 and might still have a little gas in the tank. Crazily, his career record as a starter is 43-21. I had to triple-check that because it didn’t seem remotely possible.
Why it’s probably not going to happen: Very few adult film stars choose to put down roots in North Jersey. Also, his last start came in the Rams’ 2024 season finale, and he spent part of this offseason considering retirement. This ship may have sailed, the dock may have been demolished, and luxury apartments may already be going up.
Shedeur Sanders
Why it might happen: John Harbaugh wanted the Ravens to draft him, but Sanders reportedly refused to spend his career backing up Lamar Jackson. So we know there’s some history there. The Browns’ willingness to start a disgusting creep and perennial loser over him also suggests they don’t consider Shedeur untouchable. It could be a worthwhile change-of-scenery gamble on a young quarterback with some actual upside.
Why it's probably not going to happen: Deshaun Watson is basically one awful game or one more visit to a strip-mall bodywork center away from being out of football. The Browns aren’t exactly “set” at quarterback and probably won’t surrender one of their alternatives cheaply. Plus, imagine Deion Sanders in Giants gear. Yuck.
J.J. McCarthy
Why it might happen: John Harbaugh’s brother coached McCarthy at Michigan and loved him. You have to think John could call Jim and talk it over. This is presumably why family phone plans still include unlimited minutes. Plus, the Vikings chose Kyler Murray and Carson Wentz over him.
Why it's probably not going to happen: The Vikings chose Kyler Murray and Carson Wentz over him. How good could he possibly be? Then again, this is the same organization that let Daniel Jones and Sam Darnold walk out the door, so its quarterback evaluations should probably be treated like medical advice from Joe Rogan.
Anthony Richardson
Why it might happen: Richardson has started only 15 games in his NFL career, producing flashes that ranged from brilliant to cardiovascular malaise. He also shares enough traits with Jaxson Dart that the Giants could continue running a version of the offense they designed for their starter. Richardson is mobile and has a cannon for an arm. Jameis has a cannon too, but it occasionally rotates 180 degrees and shoots directly out of his ass and into the waiting arms of the opposing safety.
Why it's probably not going to happen: The Colts probably realize they still haven’t seen everything Richardson could become. Daniel Jones is also barely back from a torn Achilles and remains Daniel Jones, so Indianapolis has a legitimate reason to keep a talented backup around. I don’t see the Colts parting with Richardson cheaply.
Honestly, this is the only name on the list that might tempt me to sacrifice meaningful draft capital... which is precisely how my terrible teasers begin.
Mac Jones
Why it might happen: Jones has been a thoroughly average starter and a very capable backup over the past few years. He’s also in the final year of his deal with San Francisco. Brock Purdy is clearly the guy there, barring injury, so the 49ers might consider moving Jones for the right price. Also, tell me this guy doesn't scream North Jersey to you:
Why it's probably not going to happen: Taranis remains determined to smite the 49ers with injuries until the end of time, so Kyle Shanahan would probably prefer to keep a serviceable quarterback sealed behind glass. There are also reportedly multiple teams sniffing around Jones as a stopgap, which would drive up the price for an extremely room-temperature return. As mentioned earlier, I’d rather tank than spend draft picks on this belly full of Carmella's meatballs.
Gardiner Minshew
Why it might happen: He could team up with Cam Skattebo and do half-naked calisthenics before games, tie on matching headbands, and run face-first through the locker-room walls. He’s currently backing up Jacoby Brissett in Arizona, and Brissett has looked better than expected. That job appears safe for the moment.
Why it's probably not going to happen: The North Jersey contractors with season tickets at MetLife will not appreciate a man in leather pants. Minshew is also 17-30 in his career starts. What exactly are we trying to accomplish here, a slightly more entertaining and mustachioed path to 5-12?
Kirk's Week 2 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($200.00) |
❌ Parlay: Bucs (-8.5) & Bengals/Texans (o45.5) & Jaguars/Broncos (o45.5) lost $100
Well, well, well. If it isn't my old friend, myself, fucking everything up with my boundless ego.
The good news is that I recover quickly (thank you Blue Chew).
Much like the heroes of the popular show Lanterns, my will is boundless and will turn into a bunch of green.
What won't recover so much:
Todd Bowles and the Bucs. My god, losing to Deshaun Watson and the Browns, at home, with the exiled son Baker playing like straight up ass! Once it became clear that my bet was for naught, I actively rooted for not just the spread to fail, but for the Browns to banish the Bucs to the shadow realm where they belong. Losers! Congrats you are worse than the Browns.
The Texans and CJ Stroud. My dreamboat Burrow didn't have to do all that much to secure victory here (props to Chase for the best TD of the year). The real mystery is how the Texans offense can convert yards without converting them into points. I am mystified by this team and I forgot something. I forgot I hate CJ Stroud. I forgot about my hatred in general in gambling as my true north star. It's my spite that I need to hold on to here.
The Jags. Typical Trevor Lawrence, superman one week, just a dude who flunked out of San Diego Community College the next. Trevor you shouldn't have plagiarized your thesis on the Righteousness of the Converse Era In Professional Skateboarding. Shame!
Bonus Bet Week 2 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | $408.34 |
Season Profit or Loss | $627.09 |
Buffalo Bills moneyline won ✅
Amon-Ra St. Brown any time touchdown scorer won ✅
Josh Allen over 1.5 passing touchdowns won ✅
Dalton Kincaid over 2.5 receptions won ✅
Matt's Week 3 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($103.75) |
I just wrote 900 words about the Giants’ putrid quarterback options, so I intend to be direct and to the point with my picks this week. You should need only about 120 minutes to get through them all. Totally reasonable investment for a chance to win $27.50.
A few quick notes before we jump into the slate:
A nor’easter is expected to hammer the Northeast Corridor on Sunday, so prepare for low-scoring, sloppy football in the early window. At least one game will look like it was filmed through a wet shower door.
There are four 0-2 teams playing at home this week, and I don’t want to stand between any of them and their first win. That even includes the Bucs, who I hope lose by 100, fire their entire coaching staff, and send Faker Mayfield to work the closing shift at Puffaneers Vape, Kratom & Phone Repair in Ybor City.
It’s also officially time to pour one out for Mike Tomlin. The Steelers are 3.5-point home underdogs in a divisional matchup this week. If Rah-Rah Tomlin were still roaming the sideline, I’d be liquidating my retirement account and converting it into Terrible Towels. Instead, Mike McCarthy and 42-year-old Aaron Rodgers are trying to recreate 2014 from memories addled by Cheetos and toad venom, respectively.
Okay, on with the show.
Falcons (+4.5)
Straight up ATS (-104)
The Falcons submitted one of the most embarrassing performances of Week 2. Their star players were bickering on the sideline, their own fans turned on them, and Cooper Rush and Jack Strand looked more confused than I did trying to figure out why nobody would trade me wood for two sheep after two bottles of wine.
But Michael Penix is an enormous upgrade over Rush, and Green Bay will be without Jayden Reed and two offensive linemen. The Packers also needed some late clock-management buffoonery from the Jets to escape with an overtime win last week. One week earlier, they proved no lead was safe by surrendering 29 unanswered points to Carson Wentz and the Vikings.
There’s another factor here that mathematicians will insist doesn’t matter, but I believe absolutely does: The public cleaned up on Thursday Night Football last week. The favorite cruised, points were everywhere, and basically every same-game parlay cashed — including ours! Every guy who won $46 because Amon-Ra St. Brown caught four passes will return tonight feeling like Warren Buffett with a FanDuel account.
The Thirsty Thursday crowd will be fat and happy, lining up to fade the laughingstock Falcons. I want the other side. But let’s not go over our skis here. These are still the Falcons. Just a taste to get the weekend started.
💰 $10.00 to win $9.62
Jaguars (-2.5)
Straight up ATS (-118)
Jaguars quarterback and AEW jobber Lank Lawrence will welcome the New England Patriots to Duval County on Sunday. The Patriots seemingly shook off the bad juju from their Week 1 implosion against Seattle by beating up on a lifeless Steelers team that looked like Mick Foley after a dozen unprotected chair shots.
Meanwhile, Jacksonville came back to earth, losing a 20-13 rock fight at altitude in Denver after demolishing the Browns in Week 1. I’d classify both of these teams as good, not great, and about as evenly matched as Lank’s idols Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock heading into WrestleMania XV.
When two teams look this similar, I’ll take the home team in the Florida humidity laying less than a field goal. Give me Lank Lawrence to go over clean in Duval.
💰 $17.50 to win $14.83
Raiders (+3.0)
Straight up ATS (-108)
I’ve really enjoyed betting New Orleans to start the season, but this is a terrible matchup for Kool-Aid Man Tyler Shough. Oh yeah! Because he’s always crashing through the backdoor. Get it? What, not quite as good as Mike McDoofus? Tough crowd.
Anyway, everyone will be hot on the Saints after their upset win in Baltimore on Sunday. Lest we forget, the Ravens blow one inexplicable home game against an inferior opponent every September. That was the least shocking result of the season. Even I picked it correctly on this very website, which should tell you how predictable it was. The Saints are friskier than expected, but so is their Week 3 opponent.
Las Vegas leads the NFL with a 61.8% pressure rate, while Shough has already been sacked eight times. Now New Orleans will be without their best tackle, Kelvin Banks, who needs ankle surgery and probably a new stapler or something. Maxx Crosby is looking at this matchup the way Kirk looks at a table full of amateur Monopoly players: future victims.
Don’t Google it. Who leads the NFL in touchdown passes through two weeks? Our boy Kirk Cousins. You like that? And he’s done it without Brock Bowers, who returned to practice this week and appears poised to make his season debut.
Vegas, baby!
💰 $27.50 to win $25.47
Ravens (-2.5)
Adjusted spread (-148)
We already watched the Cowboys defense get pushed around by a power running game and a mobile quarterback in Week 1 against the Giants. My god, that feels like a decade ago. Either way, we know the recipe for beating Dallas, and the Ravens fit that description better than just about anyone in the league. Plus, they should be pissed off after last week’s embarrassing home loss to the Saints.
I bought this down a point to get under the field goal because the game is being played at Maracanã Stadium in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. All of those plantains might be doing the Maracanã in Lamar Jackson's notoriously weak stomach, so I wasn’t willing to trust his intestines with the full 3.5 points.
💰 $20.00 to win $13.52
6-Point Teaser (-134)
Colts +7.5 Broncos +8.5
THE TEASERS WILL FUCKING CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES GOD DAMMIT.
Give me the Colts as a home underdog in a divisional matchup. With Houston on the other side, this is a Loser Leaves Town Match between two 0-2 teams. Sorry, Lank — this one isn’t for you. Neither team can afford to start 0-3, so expect an ugly divisional dogfight that stays within a touchdown. Especially with the Texans’ allegedly elite defense still sleeping off a summer-long crawfish boil.
I would also love to stay up late and hate-watch the overrated Rams again, so give me Broncos +8.5 on Sunday Night Football. Los Angeles is suddenly feeling great about itself after murdering my quarterback on the first drive and then beating the emotionally shattered remains of the Giants. Congratulations. Go ahead and pat yourselves on the back during a short week, then head into the altitude still jet-lagged and missing Puka Nacua and Myles Garrett.
💰 $25.00 to win $18.75
Kirk's Week 3 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($200.00) |
Double Dip (+420)
Bills Alternate Spread -20.5
Why do I consider this the Double Dip?
I may already be down a couple of bills. But that's okay as my investment this preseason has already paid off. If you recall my best bet of the season was Chargers to win Under 8.5 games this year. Well, the fellas went ahead and put themselves in a 0-2 hole with losses to two of the worst teams in the NFL. I think the Chargers head into Buffalo feeling low - and Josh Allen and Bills are going to absolutely break the barn doors off in their ass. I think Harbutt gets fired, McDaniel, everyone, and this is going to be the biggest blood bath of the year.
Now this contest doesn't have any personal bets in it. So, the above bet insurance doesn't help me in this moment. But here comes the fun and mental gymnastics of a Double Dip. My brother-in-law is a die hard, lifelong Bills fan. He took last season's unceremonious playoff exit hard. I won't quote him here directly, but let's just say he said some truly shocking things about the Bills ahead of game 1 this season. Unrepeatable. Anyway, as I predicted the Bills have come on strong with the best QB in the league who has clear desire to destroy everything in front of him. Now why I love this bet is because I combine the fact I really think the Chargers suck ass and are the worst team in the league, with the fact that if the Bills end up exceeding expectations and win in the playoffs, I can lord it over my BIL for his disloyalty. Forever.
Fun!
💰 $100.00 to win $420.00
The Guys' Week 3 Bonus Bet
Same-Game Parlay (+630)
Christian Watson any time touchdown scorer
Drake London any time touchdown scorer
💰 $100.00 to win $630.34
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
