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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get these picks over with so we can go back to deleting our Venmo history.
Matt's Picks
$102.67 available to bet this week +$2.67 last week -$256.85 for the season
Guys, it's Tommy Time! We have Tommy DeVito starting for the Giants and a very special message from another famous Tom...
Dumb 4-Team Teaser (+280)
Chargers +8.5 Rams +8.5 49ers +7.5 Broncos ML
I like all four of these teams as teaser legs. And I was going to do a two-pick round robin, but honestly, I did not have the energy to write out all six combinations and then have Kirk give me a hard time for making six $13 bets. So here we are!
Chargers: Battle of the Harbutts. Herbert is playing well, coming off an electric win on Sunday Night Football. The Ravens have been prolific on offense but can't seem to stop anybody on deep shots. It should be a great game and one that I think will be settled by one score in either direction. Getting the 8.5 should put us in a good spot here. Rams: The Rams have been inconsistent. The Eagles have been inconsistent. They can inconsistently battle each other to a close game. This line only being 2.5 after the Eagles took a stranglehold on the NFC East and the Rams struggled to beat the Patriots seems like it's trying to sucker you in to betting Philly. The Rams are in do or die mode whereas the Eagles can afford to play with their food a bit.
49ers: Brock Purdy and George Kittle both practiced this week and it seems like the Niners are getting a bit healthier. If they are going to stay competitive for a playoff spot, this is a game they need to get up for. On the other side, the Packers just don't seem right lately. Jordan "Hammermill" Love barely got past a really shaky Bears team last week. Can he sneak past a much more talented, better coached team?
Broncos: Maybe this is me stepping into a trap and buying into the hype after the Bo Nix beat down last week, but as Bill Simmons would say, the Broncos are the good bad team. They kick the shit out of crappy opponents, and the Raiders are definitely a crappy opponent. I don't know what happened to Minshew. That guy used to be fun and he's just awful lately.
💰 $50.00 to win $130.00
2-Team Parlay (+118)
Commanders ML Patriots +7.5
The Cowboys are completely unraveling and I don't think there's a shot in hell they get it together to beat the Commanders who need the game badly after dropping out of first place in the NFC East. So I'm pairing their moneyline with a couple of sides I like.
First up is the Patriots. Drake Maye has been fun and the team has been a lot feistier over the past couple of weeks than I expected. And I'm just not buying it with the Dolphins. I think this line is way too high for divisional rivals that are only separated by 1 win in the standings.
💰 $20.00 to win $23.62
Another 2-Team Parlay (+118)
Commanders ML (again) Colts +7.5
Second up is the Colts. Any time you can take a completely erratic quarterback with a 48% completion percentage against the best team in the NFL who just won by 46 points and are 41-16 against the spread in their last 57 games, you absolutely have to do it. In all seriousness, betting against the Lions sucks. But you have to fade the team coming off of a 46 point win. Nobody will want to bet the Colts, who have been surprisingly good against the spread (8-3 in his career). Can they keep it close? I hope so!
💰 $20.00 to win $23.62
Bada Bing! Moneyline Parlay (+215)
Giants ML
C'mon, I had to.
💰 $12.67 to win $27.24
Tyrod's Take
ay yo, what up ill crew? it's ya boy tyrod comin at ya this week in the midst of a much-needed vacay aboard a luxurious carnival cruise ship. even with some rough seas down here in the caribbean, the voyage has been a helluva lot smoother than mr. douglas's bye week so far. that's not to say my trip has been all tropical breezes and peaceful sunsets. it's been somewhere between two of my favorite programs — gilligan's island and curb your enthusiasm. spoiler alert: things escalated quicker than a two-minute drill.
let's start with the mai tais. damn, carnival sure makes these bad boys delicious. dangerously delicious, if ya know what i mean. kinda like those chicas in the rap videos that always get tyrod into hot water with the old lady. anyways, after a few welcome drinks, i decided to hit the pool. unfortunately, i forgot i wasn't at aaron's sensory deprivation saline tank and i stripped down to my birthday suit before divin in. all of a sudden lifeguards and security came runnin like i was in my own private episode of baywatch. next thing i know, i'm bein escorted off the lido deck wearin nothin but a washcloth around my waist (what up, deshaun?), tryin to explain that i'm a qb for the new york jets, not some bum. "same difference," said the captain. must be a pats fan.
irregardless, they weren't buyin it and i ended up spendin the first night in the brig.
by the mornin i had puked up the mai tais and sobered up, so they set me free. my first stop was the casino to blow off a little steam. it was goin well until some jabroni in a bears hat sat down next to me. the guy had no idea what he was doin. he musta learned basic strategy from matt eberdoofus. at one point the dealer was showin a 6 and this cat hits on a 13. do ya believe that shit? kirk woulda committed a homicide right then and there. it was like watchin coach saleh call a draw play on 3rd-and-12.
i tried keepin my cool, but after he frigged over the whole table for the fourth time, i might've said a few words that could be considered... less than sportsmanlike. things got heated, chips were spilled, and i may or may not have compared him to tim boyle. let's just say tyrod's money is no longer welcome at the starlight casino. guess it'll be the bingo hall for me later.
irregardless, the midnight buffet was my redemption arc. after a stint in the brig and a kick in the pearls from the pit boss, my appetite was worked up somethin fierce. i hit the carvin station like marshawn lynch in beast mode, pilin my plate full of prime rib slathered in an au jus so thick it looked like saqoun barkley's legs. then i paid homage to my boy jameis and housed a few dozen crab legs. and don't even get me started on dessert! they had a smorgasbord of treats more diverse than talmage's eight team teasers. i hope the old lady remembered to pack my insulin.
all in all, it's been a memorable week so far. did i make some questionable calls? sure. but if i can handle the pressure of a floatin blackjack table and survive a night in maritime detention, then i think i can handle anythin the nfl throws at me when i get back. look out minnesota, tyrod's comin for ya in week 13! my mind's clear, my body's rested, and my system's fully flushed out from the vicious norovirus spreadin rapidly through the staterooms.
go win some bets this week boys, i'm about to hit the onboard movie theater. man, these ships are amazin. they're like floatin cities. way cooler than secaucus! see ya next week, fellas...
Kirk's Picks
$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$623.02. for the season
I've lost a couple of squeakers these past two weeks. You'd think I would be depressed and have fallen into a spiral of self loathing.
Butt!
Time to pick myself off the mat and fire another parlay into the void. I can only pray the void answers.
Once more unto the breach, dear friends (+612)
Buccaneers -5.5 Lion -7.5 Broncos -6.5
Alright while I don't love that the Lions moved a half point past the TD, I like this week's slate of games a lot more than last week. My confidence can surely not go wrong.
Baker Mayfield is fun. Baker Mayfield is good.
courtesy of the world wide leader of sports balls
On the other side of the field is Danny Devito, who will now be starting for the NY Giants. He may eat a mean chicken cutlet but he is no NFL starter. The meme's were fun last year but the magic is no more. All that remains is a sad Giants team that has already started to turn on it's coaching staff with one player calling the decision by Daboll "weak as fuck". Good Vibes!
The Lions are offensive juggernauts, and their defense beats the shit out of bad teams. Guess what? The Colts are a bad team masquerading as a okay team in a shitty division. Good luck this weak with your QB whose completion % is, what, 37%?
I am a 'Boliever'. Bo Nix is a fun rookie QB with the press conference demeanor of a grizzled vet. I've said it before, a total glue guy. With this team firing on all cylinders I imagine they'll take care of business of a dog shit Raiders team. I've also lost every bet I've put on the Broncos this season, but that was in the before times, this is the now now times, and I'm due.
💰 $100.00 to win $612.18
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week +$735.00 for the season
It's been a long week. Let's go for a double dip tonight.
Same Game Parlay (+1049)
Jaylen Warren over 12.5 receiving yards
Darnell Washington over 11.5 receiving yards
Nick Chubb under 52.5 rushing yards
Russell Wilson under 10.5 rushing yards
💰 $100.00 to win $1049.00
Same Game Parlay (+271)
Najee Harris 50+ rushing yards
David Njoku 4+ receptions
Elijah Moore over 35.5 receiving yards
💰 $50.00 to win $135.97
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!