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Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.
Welcome back to another season of Oddball! Our weekly NFL gambling competition. The rules are simple:
We each get $100 to make NFL bets every week.
We must bet the entire $100.
We'll post our picks every Thursday and recap how we did every Tuesday.
We can only bet on stuff that will be resolved during the week (no futures).
Loser must drive to the State Diner in Ithaca, NY and eat a bowl of chicken and rice soup alone.
Any profit you make in a given week can be banked and used later. Any portion of the $100 that you don't lose, cannot be used later but does count towards your overall total for the season.
Now that the rules preamble is over, let's get these picks over with so we can go back to arguing with each other like two old ladies.
Matt's Picks
$381.00 available to bet this week +$281.00 last week -$78.52 for the season
I'm praying for the lord to deliver me from Wong teasers.
Dolphins -5.5
Straight Up ATS (-112)
This week we’re going to bet heavily against the NFL’s “can’t quit you” teams. For some reason, every week I keep hearing about how this is the week the Jets bounce back and finally cover a spread. And then they just suck. Let me take the talented Dolphins team who will be back home in the warm weather after looking overmatched in Green Bay on Thanksgiving.
💰 $89.60 to win $80.00
Bears +4.0
Straight Up ATS (-110)
The Bears are traveling to San Francisco to face a completely demoralized 49ers team who lost Christian McCaffrey for the season and had to sign a running back off of the practice squad. They are a decimated squad with a head coach who has been hexed by a spiritual shaman named Taranis. The Bears will benefit from the new coach bounce after the firing of Eberdoofus.
💰 $88.00 to win $80.00
Cowboys +5.5
Straight Up ATS (-108)
The third “can’t quit you” team has been the Bengals, who for some reason people still think are a good team who are better than their record. Sorry guys, you just gave up 44 points to the boring-ass Steelers offense AT HOME last week. You’re not a good team. “Slim Shady” Burrow might still be slinging it, bent wrist and all, but the defense cannot stop anyone. Cooper Rush will improve to 2-0 lifetime against Cincy.
💰 $86.40 to win $80.00
Moneyline Parlay (-108)
Buccaneers Vikings
The Bucs are facing the Raiders who are coming off an “almost win” against the Chiefs. So I think people are a little too high on them right now. With Kirk Cousins turning into a grandpa before our eyes for the Falcons, the NFC South is within Tampa’s grasp. Baker and company will be focused and get it done.
Speaking of old man Cousins, he’s facing his old team this weekend at the worst possible time. There have been grumblings of bringing in Michael Penix for the Falcons, which would be fun… but Atlanta won’t do that to Kirk in this emotional matchup for him. Which is good for those of us who want to fade the Falcons.
💰 $86.40 to win $80.00
WTF Parlay (+269)
Jaguars +3.0 Cowboys/Bengals Over 49.5
I wanted to find a longer-ish shot since I have a bit more money to play with. These are two WTF lines in my opinion. How are the Titans favored against anyone? Even the Lawrence-less Jags? I’ll take the points in this craptastic battle.
And even at 49.5, I find the total in the Cowboys/Bengals game to be too low. The Bengals literally cannot stop anyone. Their game last week totaled 82 points. Give me the over!
💰 $30.60 to win $82.48
Tyrod's Take
ya ain’t go gentle into that good night,
old age should burn ya and rave at close of day;
rage, rage against the dyin of the light
though wise cats at their end know dark is right,
cause their words had forked no lightnin they
ain’t go gentle into that good night
good fools, the last wave by, cryin how bright
their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
rage, rage against the dyin of the light
wild dawgs who caught and sang the surface in flight,
and learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
ain’t go gentle into that good night
grave brothas, near death, who see with blindin sight
ya blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
rage, rage against the dyin of the light
and ya, my aaron, there on the sad height,
curse, bless, me now with ya fierce tears, i pray
ya ain’t go gentle into that good night
rage, rage against the dyin of the light
Kirk's Picks
$527.72 available to bet this week +$427.72 last week +$416.88 for the season
No time to gloat over last week - time to get right into it.
The problem with winning back to back weeks and having to gamble more than a paltry $100 is that doubt creeps in. Easy enough to wipe my butt with a C note then flush it. When I'm gambling more than that the anxiety creeps in. With Matt doing well last week there is no point when the foot can be taken off the gas. Every penny must be wagered in an attempt to bury him in the snows of Ithaca.
And please note, I am logging my picks first this week as Matt's formal complaint made it's way to our board and they gave in. Spineless suits!
There is only one Kirk (-114)
Vikings -5.5
I'm not in love with any picks this week, but here we are anyway. I was eyeing this line for a couple of days after Kirk Cousins 4 pick performance. I don't think he could be worse (I sure hope he is), but he is immobile and the Vikings defense under Brian Flores loves to blitz and collapse the pocket.
The Vikings offense hasn't been firing on all cylinders of late but with the line dipping below 6, I'm going to lay the points.
In my heart I think the Falcons are poorly coached and might fully crack on the road in the midst of their tight divisional race.
I am putting all my trust in the Darnold to turn this Vikings offense back into high gear.
💰 $327.72 to win $287.47
Anytime TD Score (+120)
A.J. Brown
I wanted to bet on some part of the Birds game since they are playing the Panthers. The Panthers offense has been playing well and I don't feel comfortable with the Birds laying thirteen points.
I also didn't like the low, low odds of either Saquon or Hurts.
Time for A.J. to get in the end zone and dominate against a soft secondary.
💰 $100.00 to win $120.00
Straight Up ATS Parlay (+256)
Bucs -6.5, Steelers -6.5
Raiders Suck so I'm taking the Bucs and I have a man crush on Baker
Jameis Winston has burned me too many times so this is a spite bet
Come back for more insightful analysis next week and follow me for sharp bets. I'm 2/2 since the middle of November.
💰 $100.00 to win $256.92
Bonus Bet
-$100.00 last week +$485.00 for the season
Let's aim for the fucking sun this week, boys!
Same Game Parlay (+904)
Josh Jacobs 70+ rushing yards
Josh Jacobs any time touchdown scorer
Sam LaPorta any time touchdown scorer
Sam LaPorta 40+ receiving yards
💰 $100.00 to win $955.00
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!