Oddball: Week 14 Recap

Matt is now officially in “fake punt from your own 20” territory. Kirk keeps stacking wins like the ’07 Patriots. This has gotten gross.

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every weekend and try to outdo each other. The loser has to do the TB12 diet for a week. Let's see how we did in Week 14.

Matt's Picks

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$316.76 for the season

Anybody need some freelance marketing automation services? I might need to pick up another gig if I'm going to afford the final four weeks of the season. I guess I shouldn't have expected success by putting all of my eggs into a 7-to-1 parlay that involved the Cleveland Browns, but I'm so far behind that I have to take some chances. Maybe Taranis will forgive me for my sins one of these days and I can get back in the win column. Not this week.

It'd Be Cool if I Could Win a Parlay (+719)

Seahawks ML ✅ Ravens ML ❌ Broncos ML ✅ Rams ML ✅ Browns ML ❌ Jaguars ML ✅

Seahawks — The first half ended in a 6-6 tie, then Mike Macdonald decided to stop playing with his food and beat the brakes off of Raheem Morris in the second half.

Ravens — I still don't really understand this rule. Somehow, Isaiah Likely has been at the center of like half a dozen dramatic gambling moments, including my lifetime ban from a fantasy football league. This game was poorly officiated, but even so, the Ravens didn't deserve to win. Lamar Jackson's compromised immune system seems to have finally caught up with him.

Broncos — I'm just glad I didn't lay the 8.5 with Denver. This has to be one of the baddest of bad beats I've ever seen. Wtf are the Raiders doing?

Rams — What a difference a week makes. The Rams got right with a huge blowout win over the Cardinals. I guess you can't say any of these NFC teams are elite, but the Los Angeles is probably the most complete squad in the conference. Sorry to anyone who played against Puka Nacua in fantasy.

Browns — I asked ChatGPT if it was a good idea to send your quarterback to the sideline and run the wildcat during a must-have two-point conversion attempt. It responded with a GIF of a money eating his own feces. At least the Giants are now in possession of the first overall pick in the draft!

Jaguars — Man, what a shit sandwich for the Colts. Daniel Jones entered the game with a fracture in his left leg and left the game with a ruptured achilles tendon in his right leg. Backup Anthony Richardson is still on IR after almost losing his eye from shooting himself in the face with a resistance band. So it's sixth-round rookie Riley Leonard the rest of the way for the Colts (at Seahawks, vs. 49ers, vs. Jaguars, at Texans). Looks like all she wrote for Indy.

❌ Lost $100.00

Kirk's Picks

$805.01 wagered +$357.41 won +$904.09 for the season

Let's Get Spooky (Attempt Deux) (-115)

Ravens -5.5

My love for the Kroll Show and one of the best skits of all time "Pawnsylvania" has clearly gotten out of hand. I need to stop betting on this train wreck of a Baltimore team just so I can post the Baltimore centered clip from the show. It ends now.

Probably.

❌ Lost $300.00

Kitties Got Claws Bet (+624)

Bengals +5.5, Jags +1.5, Bears +6.5

So close! So close to hitting not one 3 leg parlay, but 2. There's some kind of bi-tri-pod joke in there. I'll keep hunting for it.

Don't regret the bet and this Bears team is fun. Playing unscared, man football. Man. I remember what that was like.

❌ Lost $100

I'll Take Those Over Easy (+595)

Steelers @ Ravens Over 43.5, Colts @ Jags Over 46.5, Bears @ Packers Over 44.5

✅ Won $595.03

Another Bird Team I Can Bet On (-115)

Seahawks -6.5

Everyone daydreams.

They wonder what it would be like to have superpowers, to pull someone from a burning building, to have their crush tell them "You complete me".

I wish I could go back in time and bet my entire life savings on the Seahawks -6.5 against this travesty of a Falcons team.

✅ Won $217.39

4 Random Games I Picked As I Was Running Out Of Ideas And Had Too Much Money This Week (+1202)

Browns -3.5, Broncos -7.5, Rams -8.5, Texans +3.5

Silver lining is next week I'll have less money to wonder what to do with it.

Also, I'm glad I didn't have any real money tied to that Broncos -7.5 bet. Pete Carroll definitely fucked people laying points on purpose with his late game FG (late, late, late game).

I certainly know what a move made purely for spite and a "FUCK YOU" looks like. I've played monopoly with Jake after all. I loved it.

❌ Lost $55.01

Bonus Bet

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$1029.86 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

I texted Kirk that I thought George Pickens was gonna have a big game and then he did this. Not the only reason we lost, but it sure didn't help!

Supporting An In Division Opponent Never Goes Wrong (+335)

• Dallas +3.5 ❌

• George Pickens Anytime Touchdown ❌

• Dak Attack +250 Passing Yards ✅

❌ Lost $100.00

Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!