Oddball: Week 2 Recap

The Giants choked and Matt is somehow happy about it. Kirk put all of his eggs in the Cam Ward basket, which was... not profitable.

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every weekend and try to outdo each other. The loser has to do the TB12 diet for a week. Let's see how we did in Week 2.

Matt's Picks

$112.41 wagered $50.52 won +$62.93 for the season

I came within a half-point of sweeping the board this week. I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling Jaguars. Let's see if I can keep gradually building a bankroll while avoiding any insane 19-to-1 ATD parlays from my esteemed colleague. Fingers crossed.

Jaguars (+3.5)

Straight up ATS (-110)

This bet looked pretty safe once all of Joe Burrow's fashion week runway walks finally caught up with him, causing a severe toe injury that chased him from the game. Jake Browning came in at quarterback and promptly threw three picks. All Trevor "Lank" Lawrence and the Jaguars needed to do to cover a field goal spread was play extremely mediocre football for 30 minutes. But much like Mick Foley trying to avoid a brutal bump on pay-per-view, they couldn't do it.

With Burrow in a walking boot and the Jaguars extending their lead to 24-17 with 19 minutes to play, I was tallying up the profit. But then this happened:

Yep, that's two Jaguars defenders tackling each other as Tee Higgins waltzes in for a 42-yard touchdown to tie the game. Luckily, Jacksonville was able to answer with a field goal, then got a stop, then got deep into Cincinnati territory. Trevor Lawrence still had a chance to slam the door, but on fourth-and-5 he threw a hospital ball to Brian Thomas Jr., who basically ducked and covered his head instead of catching the game-sealing touchdown with 3:42 to play. That made my stomach turn faster than a bowl of Skyline Chili in Cincinnati. With good reason. On the ensuing possession, rookie two-way experiment Travis Hunter committed a killer pass interference (awful call), turning a Jaguars stop into a fresh set of downs for the Bengals. From there it was inevitable: Browning channeled his inner Joe Montana and capped off a 92-yard drive by sneaking in the game-winner with 18 seconds left. Lost by a fucking half a point. Fun!

❌ Lost $44.00

49ers (-3.0)

Straight up ATS (-110)

Immediately after hitting "publish" on my Week 2 picks, I dreaded this game for almost 72 hours. I couldn't believe I actually had to watch and root for Mac Jones. But you know what? It was totally fine. Not exciting. Not "fun" exactly. But fine. The Macster really looked flustered to start the game, missing on his first four attempts. But from there, he settled down and put up a workmanlike 279 yards, three touchdowns, and no picks. I was surprised by the lack of a run game from the 49ers, who I thought would have better luck on the ground against a shaky Saints defense. But sometimes you have to take what they give you, and Shanahan took just enough to get the win here. Taranis must have been busy at the Cincinnati Podiatrist this weekend.

✅ Won $40.00

Moneyline Parlay (+223)

Ravens ✅ Cowboys ✅ Patriots ✅

Well, that was a fun little emotional hostage situation, wasn’t it?

As a Giants fan, I did the rational thing: I bet heavily on the Cowboys moneyline and picked them in all my survivor pools. We never beat the Cowboys. Except… whoops. Russell Wilson suddenly time-traveled back to the Obama years for exactly 12 minutes of electrifying football, during which Malik Nabers decided he was Randy Moss in Tecmo Bowl, and suddenly my can’t-lose hedge turned into a dumb version of that Spiderman meme.

This god damn game had the same chaotic energy as my three-year-old’s birthday party at the petting zoo. There were lead changes every other snap, players arguing on the sidelines, flags flying like a MAGA boat parade on Lake Havasu, Jaxson Dart popping in and out of the party like my cousin Colin’s vagrant friends, and me pacing the living room trying to figure out what in the actual hell I was supposed to be rooting for.

Underrated comedy bit: Jerry Jones got so panicked about giving up 37 points to the lowly Giants that he literally signed Jadeveon Clowney during the game. Hopefully Clowney's understanding of orbital mechanics are as solid as Jerry's.

Anyway, Russ dropped a perfect 48-yarder to Nabers with 25 seconds left (fifth lead change of the quarter) that looked like it sunk my parlay and knocked me out of survivor, but hey — at least it would’ve been one of the lone bright spots for the Giants this decade. But because this game was drunk off its ass, Brandon Aubrey casually booted a 64-yarder that looked like it might’ve been good from the fucking Space Station. Jerry even got out his telescope.

Overtime came, and naturally, that’s when Russ remembered his actual age and ability. He uncorked one of his patented moon balls directly into a Cowboys safety’s arms, handing them their third possession of the extra frame. Incredible.

So then of course Dak promptly scrambled into field goal range (read: anywhere in the stadium), Aubrey drilled another walk-off kick, the Cowboys won, and I was left with a winning bet and a hole in my heart the size of Eli Manning’s dong.

The Cowboys extend their winning streak against us to nine games. Dak’s personal streak is now basically old enough to vote. And I’m left wondering if I should pull a Kirk and just start rooting for another team.

Anyway, the Ravens and Patriots also won. So I made money. At least there's that.

✅ Won $54.52

Kirk's Picks

$137.50 wagered $137.50 lost -$100.00 for the season

Titans (+5.5)

Straight up ATS (-105)

You know karma really is a son of a bitch. I decide to dump all over my friend in week 1 and what do I get for it?

A heartbreaking loss. A game that that the Titans lead 13-10 in the first half.

A scrappy, ugly game in which Cam Ward did in fact not play well, mostly on account of his porous offensive line. 5 sacks with the final strip sack towards the end of the game was enough to break this one open and defeat any hope of hitting the spread.

I'm officially in a very dark place. I don't know if I'll be able to pull out of this given Matt's strong win this week.

Hahaha, I tried but it's hard to write about losing a bet like this in week 2 and caring.

I know myself, and $137 is chump change once I start to incorporate my penchant for parlays. I tried dipping my toes in this week but FanDuel cock blocked me on the ATD for later in the week by having nothing listed Wednesday. A small inconvenience I will overcome.

In the end, Matt wins the week sure. But he knows that this guy is coming for him hard every single down the rest of the year:

❌ Lost $137.50

Bonus Bet

$100.00 wagered $100.00 lost -$200.00 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

We're getting closer, I guess. This had a decent chance to hit, but unfortunately the garbage time touchdown from the Commanders went to Deebo and not Scary Terry. Might have to start picking these ATD selections out of a hat.

Same-Game Parlay (+576)

• Packers -3.5 ✅

• Terry McLaurin anytime touchdown ❌

• Josh Jacobs anytime touchdown ✅

❌ Lost $100.00

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