Oddball: Week 3 Recap

The Dolphins showed just enough life to screw Kirk over, while Matt missed the clean sweep by a point again. Let's dive in!

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every weekend and try to outdo each other. The loser has to do the TB12 diet for a week. Let's see how we did in Week 3.

Matt's Picks

$150.52 wagered +$34.69 won +$97.62 for the season

Don't look now, but the mayor of Ithaca has now posted three consecutive profitable weeks to being the 2025 season. It hasn't been sexy, but we're grinding out wins. My steady success is clearly rattling my opponent, who is already griping about the production schedule of our picks even though we've always posted our selections on Thursday since the start of this contest. Ask any of our millions of dedicated readers that anxiously refresh their inboxes awaiting a fresh installment of Tyrod's Take. Anyway, here's what happened on my ledger this week.

49ers (-2.5)

Straight up ATS (-115)

Mac Jones giveth and Mac Jones taketh away.

After watching paint dry and trading field goals for the first 45 minutes of the game, both teams stepped it up in the 4th quarter by trading 1-yard touchdowns instead.

Things were looking good for the 49ers, who were marching down the field with 5 minutes left, tied 13-13. Any score on that drive would have put us in position to cover. Instead, Mac & Cheese threw an awful interception, then promptly took a safety as soon as he got the ball back.

He somehow calmed down and was able to rally the Niners into field goal range for the game-winning kick, but the brief brain fart meant they only won by 1 and failed to cover.

It was a pretty disgusting game all around, and Taranis made his displeasure known by smiting both sides with injury (James Connor and Nick Bosa, respectively). Shanahan might be running scout team linemen out there wearing Costco name tags, but they are somehow 3-0.

❌ Lost $46.00

6-Point Teaser (-134)

Texans +7.5 Broncos +8.5

Most of the time, my teasers are laughable failures where one team covers by three touchdowns, the other one gets blown out, and I cry and lose money. This week was the reason I keep coming back to them. It's very satisfying when these hit solely because of the adjusted line, which is exactly what happened in this case.

The Texans, whose offense is more infuriating than two-factor authentication, put up a whopping 10 points on the Jaguars and lost by a touchdown. But by the grace of my 6-point teaser, they covered by a half point. Two years ago, my Uncle Jack would have reported you to ICE for suggesting that American hero C.J. Stroud would be 0-3, staring up at Daniel Jones and Trevor "Lank" Lawrence in the standings. Next week's game against the Titans will be a Buried Alive Match for last place in the AFC South. The Undertaker is gearing up to be the special referee.

The Broncos were a lot less pathetic than the Texans. They hung in there with the Chargers, taking a 7-point lead into the final 5 minutes of the game. Bo Nix had an awesome scramble on 3rd & 13, where it looked like he had the distance for the first down. Ultimately, he was ruled an inch short and the Broncos elected to punt from their own 35. Some inspired play by Justin Herbert and a boneheaded personal foul on a Broncos defender allowed the Chargers to tie it with 2:30 to play, force a quick three-and-out, and set up for the game-winning kick.

It was a tough loss for Broncos bettors who had them at +2.5, but not for us geniuses who put Denver into the teaser. And my middle school math teacher said I'd never amount to anything!

✅ Won $30.00

Moneyline Parlay (-139)

Seahawks Chiefs

The Seahawks didn’t just beat the Saints — they took their lunch money, pantsed them, shoved them in a locker, and spray-painted “Rattler was here (0-9)” on the wall. Spencer Rattler is now sitting on nine straight L’s to open his career, which means he’s just six losses away from matching DeShone Kizer’s legendary 0-15 rookie masterpiece from 2017. Will we witness history? Will ESPN start running a countdown ticker in the corner of every Saints broadcast like Y2K? Stay tuned.

This whole Saints situation reminded me of the time I pulled into the luxurious Chukchansi Gold Resort & Casino on a road trip from Los Angeles to Bass Lake. I thought I’d kill an hour playing some blackjack, maybe sip a watered-down margarita. Instead, I proceeded to lose the first 19 hands in a row (including one double down) and torched my entire 20-unit buy-in in about seven minutes. I turned right around, walked out the door, and pretended it never happened.

That’s the Saints in a nutshell. You walk in hoping for a little entertainment, and before you can blink, you’re back on the highway eating gas station beef jerky and wondering what the hell just happened. Horrendous.

Speaking of horrendous, Sunday Night Football tried shoving ABC aside to make the case for worst network television moment of the week. The Giants briefly flirted with the idea of making the Chiefs sweat, then remembered they were the Giants and politely excused themselves from contention after halftime. By the way, this is the second game in two years where Graham Gano was injured before the game but no backup kicker suited up for New York. What exactly is the fucking plan here? Russell Wilson's (hopefully) final red zone trip of his NFL career was a true masterpiece. It included a failed QB draw that looked like he was trying to sneak into Mad River without paying a cover, and three majestic moon balls that sailed out of the end zone like he was trying to take down that Chinese spy balloon. He sucks. I’ve seen enough. If Russ trots out as the starter again next week, I’ll have the Chargers moneyline locked in faster than Brian Daboll can knock back a meatball sub.

✅ Won $30.69

Browns (+7.5)

Straight up ATS (-110)

Let's check out how my Uncle Jack was feeling about this game:

The only thing more predictable then Jeremiah Love blowing this one is you're Aunt Susie getting a “bedtime headache” every time my birthday or our anniversary rolls around. Ol’ Hammermill Love looks like a blank sheet of printer paper with shoulder pads. No lines, no color, nothing printed on him. Just an empty 8.5x11 flapping in the wind. Every time he dropped back to pass he had that same blank stare you're cousin Colin gets when I try to explain what a fax machine was. Anyway, I was thrilled to watch the Packers choke. After two wins, that whole fanbase was strutting around like they cured polio, stinking of cheese curds, Miller Lite, and Axe body spray. I got so fired up about the Browns upset I drove straight to Costco and tried every free sample twice. Meatballs, pizza bites, even some swamp-colored oat juice that Colin swears is milk. Then I sat in the parking lot listening to old Rush Limbaugh tapes and watched two geese fight over a churro. That goose brawl had more grit, more creativity, and better quarterback play then Jeremiah Love managed in four quarters. I’d hate to be that poor guy’s saxophone tonight — he’s gonna be blowing some serious blues on that thing. You coming over for Monday Night Football? Susie’s steaming cod again, but if that no-good cyberbully Jared Goof is losing at halftime, I’ll sneak out to Costco and come back with a hot dog the size of a baseball bat.

✅ Won $20.00

Kirk's Picks

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$200.00 for the season

I just wanted to have fun.

I just wanted to destroy Matt in back-to-back years while sports gambling is still legal.

I realize now. I may have been too zealous in my 'friendly' vitriol. I was too hard on the ropes.

I've Never Rooted Against This Team In My Life Parlay (+322)

Buffalo Bills -11.5 ❌ Josh Allen Rushing TD ❌ Josh Allen Over 225 Yards ❌

Man! Fuck! You got to love betting on Thursday Night football like the biggest fattest piece of shit out here then whining about it.

Of course, the dead man walking Dolphins pulled one semi-professional game out of their asses before totally giving their coach and season up for dead. The Dolphins run game kept this competitive for almost the entire duration and I think the Bills got off light with the important realization that their shit still stinks like everyone else.

It's a miracle I'm only down $200 this season given how ice cold my bets here and offline have been this season. And you know you're in a dark place when your buddies are all laughing it up in the group chat having a good time and you're sitting by yourself stewing and hoping Kyler Murray somehow fucks one of your best friends out of $46.

Lesson learned though. No, more, Thursday, Night, Football. Asshole.

Next week we start fresh.

I just need one more dip in the pool.

❌ Lost $100.00

Bonus Bet

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$300.00 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

Same-Game Parlay (+541)

• Bills -20.5 alternate spread ❌

• Tua Tagovailoa under 1.5 passing touchdowns ❌

• Dolphins first drive result is a punt ❌

❌ Lost $100.00

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