Oddball: Week 5 Recap

Matt somehow escaped with a small profit after teasing two of the worst late-game performances of the week. Kirk's parlays looked like the Eagles' 4th Quarter defense.

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every weekend and try to outdo each other. The loser has to do the TB12 diet for a week. Let's see how we did in Week 5.

Matt's Picks

$100.00 wagered +$8.62 won -$28.45 for the season

I guess I'll take the win, but it sure doesn't feel like one. I definitely had the Rams and Cardinals on a lot more tickets in real life, so I'm licking my wounds a bit. But hey, at least I'm not buried down lower than the earth's crust like my gambling counterpart.

6-Point Teaser (-134)

Rams -2.5 💩 Cardinals -2.5 💩

I should have absolutely known better than to take the Rams in any capacity on Thursday night. The line ballooned by six points after the 49ers injury report was released, which was a classic overreaction. Thursday nights are weird and, despite frequent interventions by Taranis, Kyle Shanahan is a good coach facing a division rival. It had all the makings of a trap game, and that's exactly what it turned out to be. The 2023 version of me would have been all over the 49ers moneyline, but given the way favorites dominated the 2024 season, I've been skittish. This should serve as a reminder to go back to the well of ugly underdogs.

Speaking of ugly, Sean McVay's 4th down call from the goal line in overtime was absolutely gross. I'm not a big X's and O's guy, but even I could see that the Niners absolutely overloaded the box way before the snap even happened. There was nowhere to go. I was yelling, "Please don't run!" at the top of my lungs, frightening my family, and of course they ran right into a brick wall and lost.

And don't even get me started about the Cardinals. I can't even attempt to type out all of the awful things that happened in that game. I just stopped throwing up and I don't want to start again. Here's a nice breakdown of the misery for anyone who was lucky enough to have not watched or wagered on this atrocity.

I still can't believe it. If you couldn't tell, I took the Cardinals in my knockout pool. I wish I could knockout Kyler Murray, but his own center already did that.

❌ Lost $40.00

Moneyline Parlay (-129)

Vikings ✅

Lions ✅

Carson Wentz spent the whole game trying to somehow look worse than Dillon Gabriel and succeeding. Luckily, after about 58 minutes, he remembered Justin Jefferson was on his team and just force fed him to victory. It was a close call for crypto enthusiast Kevin O'Connell who might want to start having intimate weekly meetings with Wentz about not airmailing passes into the stands and looking completely clueless.

Meanwhile the Lions kicked the tar out of Jake Brownpants and the hapless Bengals defense. I'd say this was an impressive win, but I'm pretty sure Penn State could beat the Bengals, so let's hold off another week before we crown the Lions as the NFC North champs.

✅ Won $31.23

Texans -1.5

Straight up ATS (-115)

Live look at the Ravens' roster right now:

✅ Won $17.39

Kirk's Picks

$187.24 wagered -$187.24 lost -$300.00 for the season

Ok I'll Dip My Toe In (+282)

Ravens +1.5 ❌ Lions -10.5 ✅

Losing 1 leg of each of my three parlays! Losing 3 legs total of 9! A third! There's a joke in there somewhere.

All I know is that for reasons that escape me, I included the Ravens in this bet, even though I just dogged them last week and won due to my spite of the Harbaughs.

❌ Lost $87.24

You Have My Attention (+601)

Cowboys -2.5 ✅ Buccaneers +3.0 ✅ Chargers -2.5 ❌

As God as my witness, I will never bet on the Harbaugh teams again. I have been smoten and will learn from this.

❌ Lost $50.00

indiscriminate yelling (+1115)

Lions 1st Quarter Spread -2.5 ✅ Lions 2nd Quarter Spread -3.5 ✅ Lions 3rd Quarter Spread -2.5 ✅ Lions 4th Quarter Spread -2.5 ❌

Leave it to Jake Browning to not only suck, as planned, for the vast majority of the game - but let that fucker come alive in the 4th to quash my long shot at the finish line.

Jokes on you Jake, you just got passed over for Joe Flacco. Get ready to learn Canadian buddy.

We're on to next week but first I've got to process all these negative feelings in an age appropriate fashion.

❌ Lost $50.00

Bonus Bet

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$500.00 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

We suck! If we lose ten of these in a row, we quit. Five more weeks to turn things around. Let's go!

Touchdown Parlay (+456)

• Breece Hall ATD ❌

• Chuba Hubbard ATD ❌ — didn't play, but still

• David Montgomery ATD ✅

❌ Lost $100.00

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