Oddball: Week 8 Recap

Not sure what looked worse — Kirk's picks or Skattebo's ankle. It was a pretty lame weekend in the NFL, one that has us considering finding a less expensive hobby.

Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every weekend and try to outdo each other. The loser has to do the TB12 diet for a week. Let's see how we did in Week 8.

Matt's Picks

$260.00 wagered +$43.33 won +$254.83 for the season

Before we begin, I'd like to offer a sacrifice to Taranis on behalf of all Giants fans. Oh magnificent god, I know not what we did to anger you. Please accept our praise and respect and consider channeling your rage back in the direction of San Francisco and Cleveland. I don't think I can take much more of the Giants, Rangers, and Mets trifecta.

Falcons (-7.5)

Straight Up ATS (-108)

What the fuck was that? First of all, I probably would have thought a bit harder about this bet if I knew I was getting the corpse of Kirk Cousins and no Drake London. But even so, where did this Dolphins team come from? Their offense almost looked fun! That hasn't happened in like a year and a half. Man, the rudderless Falcons sure have fallen a long way since shutting down the Bills on Monday Night Football two weeks ago. I'm personally offended by this loss and I hope Kirk Cousins retires in shame.

❌ Lost $52.00

Bucs (-4.5)

Straight Up ATS (-102)

Let's all pour one out for the Spencer Rattler era. We might never see that guy again. He'll finish his career with an impressively unimpressive 3-11 record against the spread (21.4%) and a 1-13 record overall. And yes, that one win was against my dopey Giants who went from being the feel-good story of the season after beating the Eagles on Thursday, October 9th to complete sad sacks who probably won't win another game just 17 days later. It was a fun 2.5 weeks, I guess. Now I'll just go back to rooting against Philly every week and sobbing.

✅ Won $50.98

Steelers (+3.0)

Straight Up ATS (-120)

This bet looked pretty good at halftime. The Steelers were winning 16-7, I had consumed a few glasses of wine, and dozed off soundly on the couch. Don't judge me. I went to three pre-school birthday parties and a first grade pumpkin fair, grocery shopped, and did two hours of yard work this weekend. If the NFL wants me to watch all of Sunday Night Football, they need to start the game at like 6:45 or hire me an au pair.

Anyway, it sucked waking up to see Hammermill Love uncrumpling himself and airing it out all over the field to Tucker Kraft. So much for the Steelers defense being even the slightest bit competitive. They are cooked. Rodgers will be trying to get the defensive coordinator fired before Thanksgiving.

❌ Lost $52.00

Jets (+6.5)

Straight Up ATS (-110)

Aaron Glenn turned offensive play calling duties over to ChatGPT and got tremendous results. Who should the Jets' ownership group throw under the bus this week? Please let me know so that I can start that person in fantasy.

Meanwhile in Cincinnati, Zac Taylor is now officially on the hot seat. I don't have any league sources or anything like that. It's just a known fact that if you give up 39 points to Justin Fields or lose at home to the 0-7 Jets, you better start polishing your resume.

✅ Won $47.27

Moneyline Parlay (-106)

Bills, Patriots, Colts, Chiefs

If I was smart, I would have just laid the points with all of these teams. I would have had a no-sweat Sunday and a fun Monday night. Instead, I monkeyed around with Kirk Cousins and Aaron Rodgers. But I am the same guy who once wrote an article ranking the best colors of the rainbow. So it should already be obvious that I'm an idiot. But hey, a small return is a still a profit. And for the record, that's four consecutive winning weeks. You're welcome, America!

✅ Won $49.08

Kirk's Picks

$190.91 wagered -$190.91 lost -$500.00 for the season

Yeah, another stellar week. I thought I'd be back in the black with my Spooky Baltimore Parlay. I have more thoughts I'd like to convey and only one way seems appropriate.

Spooky Baltimore Parlay (+264)

Ravens -6.5, Bengals -6.5

An Ode to the Jets

Sitting in the marsh off 95

Your home a monument to mediocrity

You flew on metal wings without hope

Down to the Colonels Eye

Jets - Jets - Jets - Jets

Doomed to falter amidst another folly

Justin felled into the bowels of pain

The beast circled with yellow eyes whispering

"Meat, Rotten, Spoiled, Rank, MINE"

Jets - Jets - Jets - Jets

A hand raised from the grave

His body raked and frail

Fields grew tall under the tigers sun

Reborn from the soil, sweat and pain

Jets - Jets - Jets - Jets

"I have looked into the void

a mirror held up to my soul

a reflection of talentless ass

and I could now know no more fear"

Jets - Jets - Jets - Jets

Brought low so he could soar

The worst QB of all time

he chose this moment to rise

"Fuck Kirk, and Fuck his parlay"

Jets - Jets - Jets - Jets

❌ Lost $90.91

Dudes In Leather Chaps Parlay (+265)

49ers +1.5, Cowboys +3.5

❌ Lost $50.00

I'm Just A Dude, Who Loves 4 Other Dudes Parlay (+821)

Rico Dowdle ATS, Derrick Henry ATS, Christian McCaffery ATS, Bijan Robinson ATS

❌ Lost $50.00

Bonus Bet

$100.00 wagered -$100.00 lost -$429.86 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

Hello darkness, my old friend...

There WILL be a successful 2-point conversion on Thursday Night Football (+290)

• Nope!

❌ Lost $100.00

Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!