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2025 NFL Season Preview: AFC North
- Matt Talmage
- 1 day ago
- 6 min read
The Steelers hitched their wagon to a 41-year-old ayahuasca salesman, the Ravens biohacking Lamar's immune system, the Bengals' coach vacations harder than he game plans, and the Browns are busy scouting county courthouses for talent.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Highlight From Last Season
The high water mark for the Steelers came in Week 14, with a 27-14 drubbing of the Cleveland Browns at home. That upped their record to 10-3 and had them firmly in the driver's seat of the division.
Lowlight From Last Season
It was all downhill for the rest of the season, as the Steelers offense disappeared faster than the Epstein files. They lost their final four regular season games, averaging a paltry 12 points per game in those contests. That limp finish handed the division crown to the Ravens, meaning Pittsburgh had to pack their Uncrustables and head to Baltimore for the Wild Card. Spoiler alert: it went about as well as challenging Kirk to a slap bet over Harry Potter trivia.
Biggest Offseason Storyline
After letting both Justin Fields and Russell Wilson walk to the Big Apple, Steelers management somehow decided that what their offense really needed was a one‑year cameo from a 41-year-old hallucinogenic conspiracy theorist to run their offense.
QB Situation
Aaron Rodgers, Mason Rudolph, Skylar Thompson, Will Howard
As many have pointed out, here is the list of 41-year-old quarterbacks who have made it through an entire NFL season: Tom Brady
That's it. That's the entire list.
So while I'm sure Steelers nation is trying their best to talk themselves into this project, I'm not buying it. It seems like an injury or a fistfight with DK Metcalf are more likely than a playoff run for Rodgers this year.
2025 Prediction | Under 8.5 wins
I have to take the under here because Rodgers annoys me so much. But I'm not super confident in this pick because of how good the Steelers will be on defense. Still, as we saw down the stretch in 2024, a good defense can only do so much if your offense puts up 12 points per game. The likelihood of Rodgers sucking or getting hurt is just too high to trust this team to be successful.
Baltimore Ravens
Highlight From Last Season
After starting the year 0-2, things were looking a little dicey in Baltimore. But that's when Derrick Henry decided to go absolutely apeshit and put together a five-week stretch for the ages. In Week 3, he put up 151 yards and 2 touchdowns. In Week 4, he opened the game with an 85-yard touchdown on the first play from scrimmage. In Week 5, he had 92 yards a touchdown heading into overtime, where he broke a 51-yard rush down to the 6 yard line to set up the game-winning field goal. In Week 6, he had 132 yards and 2 touchdowns. And he capped it off with 169 yards in Week 7. Wow.
Lowlight From Last Season
For a team that was dominant for most of the season, they had two regular season head scratchers, losing to Gardner Minshew and the Raiders at home in Week 2, and then dropping their Week 8 game in Cleveland to Jameis Winston as huge favorites. The most notable lowlight came in the Divisional Round against Buffalo though:
Offseason Storyline
The Ravens’ offseason was basically a soap opera with an HBO budget: they made Kyle Hamilton the highest-paid safety in history, waved a messy goodbye to Justin Tucker (good riddance), re-upped Derrick Henry to keep curb stomping linebackers, and added a 33-year-old DeAndre Hopkins for Lamar’s amusement. Toss in some coaching shakeups and cap gymnastics, and Baltimore somehow looks scarier than ever — especially if you’re a massage therapist or a rival AFC North team.
QB Situation
Lamar Jackson, Cooper Rush
As long as he's remembering to take his his Vitamin C and Imodium cocktail, Lamar Jackson is a bonafide MVP candidate. Whether he can finally get over the hump in the playoffs remains to be seen, but as shown above, last year's flame out was definitely not his fault. I guess that counts as an improvement!
2025 Prediction | Over 11.5 wins
The Ravens check all the boxes to be a serious Super Bowl contender. As long as Lamar doesn't get the flu and the wheels don't completely fall off the Derrick Henry train, they'll be right there in January vying for the top seed in the AFC.
Cincinnati Bengals
Highlight From Last Season
Joe Burrow basically played 1-on-53, leading the NFL in passing yards and touchdowns while dragging his bozo coach and a defense made of wet cardboard toward the playoffs. Cincinnati ripped off a five-game heater to close the year, with Burrow slinging 14 touchdowns in that stretch. The crown jewel was Week 17, when he dropped 437 yards and four scores on the Broncos in a win-or-go-home game—because apparently the only way the Bengals survive is if Burrow personally inflates the life raft. Unfortunately, they didn't get any help on the out-of-town scoreboard and missed the playoffs anyway.
Lowlight From Last Season
The Bengals had no shortage of heartbreakers in 2024. They lost to the Chiefs on a phantom pass interference that started the whole narrative about the league being scripted in Kansas City’s favor. They dropped one to the Commanders where they never punted, hung 33 points, and still couldn’t buy a defensive stop if they sold Burrow's designer wardrobe. Against the Ravens, they gagged away multiple double-digit leads in the second half before folding in overtime.
But the lowlight reel really started in Week 1. Heavily favored by 9.5 over the Patriots and penciled in as everyone’s (read: my) knockout pool lock of the week, the Bengals face-planted right out of the gate. That opening loss was the first of three straight gut-punches to start the season — a hole they spent the rest of the year stumbling around in, never quite able to climb out.
Offseason Storyline
Head coach Zac Taylor spent all summer at the Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea, living his best life. He booked the $14,000-a-night Oceanfront Prime Suite, where the only game plan he studied was whether to start his day with the caviar omelet or the Kona-crusted ribeye. Afternoons were devoted to poolside mai tais and long contemplations about absolutely nothing, punctuated by a 90-minute lomi-lomi massage at the spa. His toughest decision of the offseason? Whether to catch the sunset from his balcony or from the infinity pool. The Bengals may start every season in a 0-2 hole, but rest assured — their coach is fully refreshed.
QB Situation
Joe Burrow, Jake Browning
Last year I took plenty of shots at Burrow — between the bleached-blonde hair, the gimpy wrist, and the backless Milan runway suits, it was a tough look for Joe Cool. But here’s the thing: he’s still absurdly good at football. The Bengals may be a mystery this season, but one thing isn’t — Joe Burrow will not be the problem.
2025 Prediction | Over 9.5 wins
I still don’t trust the defense, and I trust Zac Taylor’s game-planning about as much as I trust gas station sushi. He’ll stumble into September still drunk off of his vacation mai tais, but with the Browns and Jaguars on the schedule to open, even he might luck into a win. Burrow is too good for this team not to rack up 10 or 11 by year’s end. Just don’t ask me to touch them in a knockout pool before Halloween. I’ve been burned enough.
Cleveland Browns
Highlight From Last Season
The Jameis Winston snow game was peak entertainment.
Lowlight From Last Season
Pretty much everything that happened during their 3-14 tire fire qualifies, but the absolute rock bottom came in Week 7, when Deshaun Watson’s achilles snapped. From a pure football standpoint, it torpedoed whatever faint hopes the Browns still had. From a karma standpoint, let’s just say plenty of folks considered it the most satisfying play of their season.
Offseason Storyline
Following in the footsteps of upstanding gentlemen like Kadarius Toney, Johnny Manziel, Josh Gordon, and Deshaun Watson, the Browns kept the tradition alive in 2025 by opening their doors to yet another round of players whose resumes read more like police blotters than box scores. First came Isaiah Bond, signed less than a week after his sexual assault case was dropped — because in Cleveland, “pending league investigation” is basically just a green light. Then rookie Quinshon Judkins managed to squeeze in a domestic violence arrest before his first padded practice, charges disappearing just in time for him to lace up. At this point, it feels like the Browns’ scouting department spends less time at the NFL Combine and more time hanging around county courthouses with a stopwatch and clipboard.
QB Situation
Joe Flacco, Dillon Gabriel, Shedeur Sanders, Deshaun Watson
2025 Prediction | Under 4.5 wins
Not sure this team will even be favored in 2025, let alone win a game. I can't even make a contrarian argument here. Maybe Shedeur ends up being awesome and they go on a late-season run? Seems like a long shot even Kirk wouldn't take. I don't see it.