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Oddball 2026: Week 7 NFL Bets
These guys stink! Matt is $29 underwater. Kirk is down $600. One is playing it safe while the other parlays three wounded birds. What could go wrong?
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser must watch an entire playoff game alone at Outback Steakhouse in a suit and tie, order a Bloomin’ Onion for one, and tell the server he’s celebrating something special. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Matt's Week 6 Recap
Wagered | $191.60 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($55.80) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($29.31) |
✅ Steelers ML won $26.76
❌ Parlay: Colts ML & Chiefs ML lost $49.10
✅ Raiders (+5.5) won $33.04
❌ Cowboys (+1.5) lost $66.50
Man, what a frustrating slate. I’m back in the red for the season, but at least I can still see the surface, unlike my esteemed co-author. Let’s review the tape and hand out our Dipshits of the Week awards for Week 6.
Mike McCarthy
The Steelers had the ball at Tampa’s 3-yard line with 1:38 remaining in a tie game. The Bucs had two timeouts. Even a terrible strategist with a .000 career winning percentage at Settlers of Catan like myself knows you run the ball, force Tampa to burn its timeouts, and kick the field goal if you don’t score.
Instead, McCarthy called two straight passes. Both fell incomplete, leaving Tampa 1:21 and a timeout to drive for the tying field goal. Then, as the Bucs frantically rushed their kicking unit onto the field, he waited until only 13 seconds remained before calling timeout and graciously allowing everyone to catch their breath and get organized. Truly hospitable stuff from the visiting coach.
Earlier, McCarthy had someone step on his foot and spent the entire halftime in the blue medical tent. The Steelers therefore made their most effective adjustment of the afternoon: preventing Mike McCarthy from participating in the halftime meeting.
Pittsburgh eventually won 26-19 in overtime, but only after dragging their injured coach, his shattered internal clock, and several pounds of uneaten halftime Uncrustables across the finish line. Doctors cleared McCarthy’s ankle, but have advised fans that his late-game decision-making could cause severe nausea.
Jim Nantz
Speaking of non-players getting injured on the job, Jim Nantz appeared to fracture several old-man bird bones while attempting a Peanut Punch on a football held by J.J. Watt. That ball didn’t move an inch. Nantz finished the demonstration with zero forced fumbles, an embarrassed grimace, and an ice pack wrapped around his hand. What a dipshit.
Nantz now ranks second in my personal power rankings of idiotic hand injuries. The top spot remains securely held by my buddy Paul, who punched a wall at the Golden Parnassus Resort in Cancún after losing the Spring Break 2008 Beer Pong Tournament. He had to get his arm set in a cast at a cash-only Mexican urgent care center, where the doctor gave him two pieces of advice in broken English:
Stop punching walls, and be sure to bring the X-rays home so his insurance company could reimburse him.
He promptly drank too much tequila and lost the X-rays, transforming one beer-pong defeat into several thousand dollars of international medical debt.
You’re in good company, Jim. At least CBS probably has workers’ compensation.
Craig Wrolstad
Let me begin by conceding that officiating crew chief Craig Wrolstad and the rest of the refs are not why I lost my Cowboys bet. Dallas scored 13 points, Dak Prescott threw two interceptions, and the defense once again looked as disinterested in the game as my wife does in this website.
All that said, what the hell are we doing with this Dee Winters interception?
Winters made a fantastic diving pick, got back to his feet, and wove 42 yards through the bumbling Packers offense for an apparent touchdown. Then replay discovered that Matthew Golden’s fingertip had briefly disturbed a microscopic piece of jersey fabric while Winters was on the ground. Down by contact. No touchdown. Dak promptly threw a red-zone interception, and the drive ended without points. Dipshits all around.
The NFL requires a receiver to secure the ball, establish possession, get two feet down, survive contact with the ground, make a “football move,” submit two forms of identification, and swear a blood oath to Taranis before awarding him a catch. But apparently, a tackle requires nothing more than accidentally brushing against a loose pube on someone’s pants.
Shouldn’t you have to make a football move to make a football tackle? Wrap him up. Push him down. Intentionally touch him. Do literally anything that suggests you knew another human being was present. If you don’t realize you tackled someone until the replay center zooms in 400 times and circles your pinky with a yellow telestrator, you didn’t tackle him.
This is especially rich coming at Lambeau Field, where Dez Bryant once made approximately six football moves against the Packers and was told he hadn’t completed a catch. Now Matthew Golden makes zero football moves and gets credited with a tackle. Cool. I hate both of these teams.
Indianapolis Colts
In my Week 6 picks, I wrote, “The Colts aren’t terrible and the Titans are.” For the first half, this appeared to be one of the few intelligent things ever published on this website. Indianapolis led 13-0 at home while holding Tennessee to 64 total yards.
Then the Colts spent the second half projectile vomiting all over the field.
They committed three turnovers, allowed Daniel Jones to be sacked six times, surrendered a blocked-punt touchdown, and gave up a 58-yard punt return. Cam Ward completed 11 passes for 102 yards and still walked out of Lucas Oil Stadium with his first win of the season. He didn’t beat Indianapolis so much as stand nearby while the Colts repeatedly dropped horseshoes on their own testicles.
I specifically said taking the Colts moneyline would eliminate the threat of a Cam Ward backdoor. Technically, I was right. Indy instead left the front door flapping in the breeze, and Ward wandered inside, charged his phone to 14%, left a wet hand towel on the bathroom counter, and got the general manager fired on his way out.
My “safe” moneyline parlay triggered an organizational restructuring. Dipshits.
Blake Grupe
Haha, holy crap. What a dipshit.
Somebody call Matthew Stafford’s dentist. Grupe is going to need a new set of industrial-grade porcelain chompers. His original chiclets landed in the front row next to a terrified eight-year-old holding a souvenir cup.
Grupe’s Rams career now consists of one made field goal, one tackle attempt, and one torn ACL. Another flawless personnel decision by the preseason Super Bowl favorites, who, according to my latest calculations, are going to have a difficult time finishing 17-0 after their latest loss.
Kirk's Week 6 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($600.00) |
❌ Parlay: Patriots (-7.5) & Colts (-6.5) & Ravens (-4.5) lost $100.00
I'm a big fan of the golden age of TV showcased in two entirely random, favorite scenes of mine that come to mind for no reason.
Bonus Bet Week 6 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
Season Profit or Loss | $227.09 |
Rashid Shaheed anytime touchdown ❌
This was a bad game and not even in a fun way. I slept through the entire fourth quarter and overtime, woke up startled on the couch at 1:26 AM, and returned to my waking nightmare. We've gone a little cold after a blistering start to the season, but we still have some runway left before this total also turns red.
Matt's Week 7 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($29.31) |
I’m returning to my roots this week. Min Bet Matt is back with a fistful of tried-and-true wagers against the spread. No teasers. No gimmicks. Just a respectable collection of bets guaranteed to leave me either $29 deeper in the hole or flush with a stack of Hamiltons begging to be converted into apple-cider donuts and overpriced juice boxes at my kids’ school pumpkin fair.
Let’s get after it!
Vikings (-6.5)
Against the spread (-105)
The Colts are so gross that even I won’t put them in a teaser this week. God, I hate them. They ruined my weekend. I hate them so much that I’m willing to lay nearly a touchdown with Kyler Murray’s 5-foot-10 frame purely out of spite.
Well, that and Indianapolis had seven starters miss Wednesday’s practice immediately after firing its general manager because it lost at home to a quarterback who completed 11 passes. Everything is going great over there.
Meanwhile, the Vikings are well-rested coming off their bye and will welcome Christian Darrisaw, T.J. Hockenson, Jordan Addison, and Jordan Mason back into the lineup. Their vaunted defense also gets to tee off against whatever remains of Daniel Jones.
Sorry, Daniel. It was a good run. Have fun leading the St. Louis Battlehawks to a UFL playoff berth, but we’re done here. I look forward to convincing myself that Anthony Richardson is “an intriguing buy-low opportunity” and losing money on him in Week 8.
💰 $25.00 to win $23.81
Bengals (+1.5)
Against the spread (-110)
Lamar Jackson remains a game-time decision, which means I’ll either be betting against a compromised starting quarterback or an actual backup quarterback. I’ll gladly take the points in either scenario. I’m also finding it impossible to resist the raw enthusiasm and charisma oozing out of Joe Burrow this week.
The only person more excited about his job than Joe is me after my boss dropped a fire-drill marketing campaign in my lap on Monday, changed the promotional price on Tuesday, discovered it violated our vendor’s terms on Wednesday, and asked me to unpublish the entire thing on Thursday.
That’s a lot of billable hours for four days of work and absolutely no visible output. Essentially the business model of a certain odd little website that shall remain nameless, except work actually pays me.
💰 $15.00 to win $13.64
Bucs (+3.0)
Against the spread (-110)
All credit to the Panthers for laying the smackdown in Philadelphia last week. It’s always nice to make the 94WIP callers scream so loudly that Cheez Whiz starts flying out of their mouths. But beating a down-and-out Eagles team starting Tanner McKee after an ill-fated London trip and a pulmonary-blood-clot outbreak tanked their season is not impressive enough to warrant being favored by a full field goal in a divisional game.
Every Bucs game this season has been decided by one possession. They’re better than their 1-5 record indicates, they’re only two games back in their lousy division, and Baker Mayfield has finally cleaned all the spent Juul pods out of his locker and returned to practice.
This will be a disgusting game between two sloppy teams. Definitely the kind of football that makes it difficult to justify ignoring your family on a beautiful fall afternoon. But financial freedom requires sacrifice, and $13 isn’t going to make itself.
💰 $15.00 to win $13.64
Broncos (-4.5)
Against the spread (-105)
If you consumed any sports media over the past ten days, you’d think the Broncos were 0-6, Nathaniel Hackett was coaching them again, and Tanner McKee was starting at quarterback. None of those things are true.
In fact, contrary to the weeklong national period of mourning, Denver won its Week 6 game against the defending Super Bowl champions. The Broncos are 4-2 despite already facing the Seahawks, Chiefs, 49ers, Jaguars, and Rams. Every defense they’ve played this season currently ranks inside ESPN’s top 10.
All that is to say, this is a tremendous get-right spot for Denver’s offense. After six weeks of trying to solve advanced calculus, they finally get to finger-paint against an Arizona defense that has surrendered the most touchdowns in the league.
Meanwhile, the Broncos’ defense has been a brick shithouse all season. Now it gets ten days of rest before facing Jacoby Brissett, who should look as clueless as my high school football coach did when he had to substitute-teach my AP chemistry class. When he tried to send me to the office for insubordination, I told him I’d go if he could spell insubordination on the board in front of everyone. His face turned redder than the Cardinals’ home jerseys will be on Sunday afternoon. God, I was such a dick.
💰 $20.00 to win $19.05
Chiefs (+2.5)
Against the spread (-104)
The Chiefs finally look like the team we always imagined they could become if they found a running game. Unfortunately for Seattle, that running game now comes in the form of Kenneth Walker, who was named Super Bowl MVP for the Seahawks just eight months ago. Think he’ll be motivated against his former team? That’s the kind of advanced analysis you come to Oddball for. If anyone knows anything about holding a grudge, it's the two authors of this site.
The Seahawks have just looked off this year. Is it a Super Bowl hangover? A running game with no punch? Spooky season making Sam Darnold see his ghosts again? Only Taranis knows for sure. Whatever the explanation, I’m not seeing it with Seattle.
Maybe this is a Kirk-and-the-Bills-style ACME trap, and the Seahawks are about to remind everyone why it’s so difficult to play in their awful, rainy city. Seriously, what the hell is with that place? It’s gloomier than Joe Burrow answering questions at a mandatory media session.
But I can’t shake the feeling that the Sam Darnold roller coaster is approaching its first major drop with Goliath’s restraint system and X2’s concussion protocol.
Give me Patrick Mahomes as an underdog. He is 13-3-1 against the spread and 12-5 straight up in that role during his career.
💰 $25.00 to win $24.04
Kirk's Week 7 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($600.00) |
This Bet Is For The Birds (+593)
Falcons +2.5, Ravens +1.5, Cardinals +4.5
Not a great start to the season - everything that could go wrong (such as me betting $600 on an Over that hit, only to realize in the morning I hit Under by accident, and I wasn't even drinking) - has gone wrong.
But I will continue to soldier on through this absolute nightmare.
Our readers demand it. I too personally find it way more fun when I am actively winning cash.
At least for a second week I'm a man of my word and I'm sticking to my 3-team parlay. I'll let my hate take a backseat this week as it comically backfired in my face and all 3 legs lost last week, two of them outright!
This week I'm taking 3 home dogs. That all happen to be of the avian persuasion.
Yes, the 49er's are undefeated, but the comically sad list of injuries continues each week. Mike Evans the latest victim. I've liked the fight I've seen out of the Falcons this year. If Penix doesn't come out cold, I'll take the points at home.
The Bengals are frauds. The Ravens sure made me look like a fraud with their pathetic performance last week. Hopefully their coach grows a sack this week and plays aggressive. Hopefully Lamar is back. And hopefully the Ravens find some of that, ahem, violent energy from the ol' Ray Lewis days. Give me the Vegas Zone points at home against a divisional rival.
The Cardinals have the best kicker in the league. Dude is a weapon. I don't know his name without looking it up but I'm just going on the fact they beat the Rams last week with only (only lol) 6 FG's. Over 3 points at home against Bo Nix? Bo Nix who has looked like super-mega-unstoppable ass? I'll take the points.
Maybe it's fate that these 3 games caught my eye. My own beloved birds have clipped wings right now.
I just want to see someone fly.
💰 $100.00 to win $593.14
The Guys' Week 7 Bonus Bet
Same game parlay (+340)
Caleb Williams 225+ passing yards
Rhamondre Stevenson under 43.5 rushing yards
Luther Burden to record a 15+ yard reception
Hunter Henry 3+ receptions
This week, I wrote every available SGP leg on strips of multicolored construction paper, threw them down the basement stairs, and selected the four that landed closest to a dried turd my cat kicked out of his litter box. I imagine this is roughly how FanDuel sets the odds for these, so it'll probably work out.
💰 $100.00 to win $340.87
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
