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Oddball 2026: Week 8 NFL Bets
Matt sees 14 low-confidence games and bets five anyway. Kirk studies the slate for 30 seconds and fires a +587 parlay. Happy Halloween.
Oddball is our weekly NFL gambling competition where we each get $100 every week and try to outdo each other. The loser must watch an entire playoff game alone at Outback Steakhouse in a suit and tie, order a Bloomin’ Onion for one, and tell the server he’s celebrating something special. Let's take a look at how we did this week!
Matt's Week 7 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($3.67) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($32.98) |
❌ Vikings (-6.5) lost $25.00
✅ Bengals (+1.5) won $13.64 ✅ Bucs (+3.0) won $13.64 ✅ Broncos (-4.5) won $19.05 ❌ Chiefs (+2.5) lost $25.00
Leave it to me to figure out a way to post a .600 winning percentage on my picks and still lose money. I should probably be the first entry in this week’s edition of Dipshits of the Week, but that would require accepting some responsibility for this unfavorable outcome. Instead, I’ll lash out at the supposedly talented professionals who failed to live up to my completely reasonable standards.
Jesse Minter
His decision to pass up a chip-shot field goal that would have given his team the lead was interesting, to say the least. Analytics have officially become astrology for men with laminated play sheets.
He knows you generally need to be winning in order to win, right?
Honorable Mention: Dan Campbell
I’d love to play blackjack with Dan Campbell in the Toby Keith’s pit at Harrah’s. He absolutely hits on hard 18, splits tens, and calls both decisions “trusting his guys.”
Just keep the Crown Royal and Diet Cokes coming until math stops mattering.
Harrison Butker
This is the NFL. Plenty of players have despicable personalities, but generally they have to perform well enough for everyone to pretend we aren’t participating in a collective morality failure every Sunday.
Butker expects women to stay in the kitchen and serve him dinner, which is pretty rich coming from a man who suddenly can’t complete his one assigned household chore: putting the football through the uprights.
There’s plenty of blame to go around for the Chiefs costing me money this week, but he’s by far my favorite target. If we’re going to abandon our principles every time we turn on Red Zone, at least make your damn kicks.
Honorable Mention: Trey Smack
I thought Trey Smack was the bassist who left The Offspring in 1998 over creative differences, not the kicker for the Packers. What a dipshit.
Kevin O'Connell
The NFL’s most obnoxious crypto bro strikes again.
If the former “quarterback whisperer” had taken a break from hawking Fartcoin on TikTok, perhaps he would have noticed the first-round quarterback he discarded putting up 252 yards and 27 points against Houston’s vaunted defense. Meanwhile, his handpicked reclamation project, Kyler Murray, struggled to see over his offensive line and produced 150 passing yards and 16 points against the fading pulse of the Indianapolis Colts.
Thanks for dicking around all afternoon and winning by exactly six after I laid 6.5, dipshit.
Honorable Mention: All other NFL teams
How are the Vikings the only undefeated team in football? This feels like a clerical error that has gone on for seven weeks.
They can’t keep getting away with it!
Actually, that’s probably what Brian Flores said when the league blackballed him from another head-coaching job.
Land Clark
First of all, what the fuck kind of name is Land Clark? It sounds like a company that sells dropshipped snow boots with fake reviews and 21-day shipping.
Second, he threw a flag on Cam Skattebo that might have been the softest call in NFL history. That penalty was so soft, Charmin immediately offered it an endorsement deal.
Honorable Mention: Alex Moore
This dipshit threw more flags than anyone in the NFL in 2025 and is currently on pace to set the record for most penalty yards assessed in a season. His latest victims were the Green Bay Packers, who got hosed by at least three egregious calls.
Moore remains an honorable mention only because none of those calls cost me money, which remains the sole standard of justice recognized by this website. I told you we abandon our principles around here!
Kirk's Week 7 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | ($100.00) |
Season Profit or Loss | ($700.00) |
❌ Parlay: Falcons (+2.5) & Ravens (+1.5) & Cardinals (+4.5) lost $100.00
I continue to have issues seeing the field this year. Much like the Eagles season, this shit may be toast. But hey, I could still pull this shit off if my esteemed colleague continues to min bet.
So, no pity parties this week! Just a hate fest! And I got a lot to go around!
It was exciting for a while on Sunday to see my Falcons pick off and running with their domination of the 49ers for most of the afternoon, and at one point the Ravens were up 13-0 against the Bengals. With Snoop Huntley! It was all coming up Milhouse.
Then I fucking blinked and the end result was Bengals 35 - Ravens 13.
A total and epic collapse. The coach gave the ball away down one on downs at the Bengals 15ish early in the 4th and that was all she wrote. The team rolled over and said fuck this shit to their home crowd.
This franchise truly hates their fans. And I hate myself for not remembering this! I think it's the cool black and purple colors and history of tough defenses blinding me. This defense is shit!
Fire it up boys - we've added another to the banned list!
Editors Note: The only silver lining to this shit was that upon me texting a Matt an essay filled with expletives about this pathetic team I asked who he had in the late slate. He reminded me the Broncos (against the Cards), so I placed a fat bet on them and recouped this disaster. While it doesn't help me in this competition, it does avoid the awkward conversation about reloading my FanDuel account more than once a season. Thanks!
Bonus Bet Week 7 Recap
Wagered | $100.00 |
Weekly Profit or Loss | $340.87 |
Season Profit or Loss | $567.96 |
Caleb Williams 225+ passing yards ✅
Rhamondre Stevenson under 43.5 rushing yards ✅
Luther Burden to record a 15+ yard reception ✅
Hunter Henry 3+ receptions ✅
Never doubt the Litter Box Proximity Model. I'll be feeding my cat Taco Bell for the remainder of the week to help us with our Week 8 selections.
Matt's Week 8 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($32.98) |
Umm, yeah this is a rough slate of games. My usual process is to go through the entire schedule, pick a side, and write whether I have low, medium, or high confidence in the spread. This week, I rated all 14 games "low" in my initial passthrough. If I was responsible, I'd probably not bet at all. But that's no fun, and it's definitely against the rules of this contest. I also barely respect myself as it is when I wager $15 on the Bucs, so I couldn't justify putting my whole bankroll on the Bengals moneyline and trying to make a few dollars back. Kirk is going to give me enough shit about these wagers as it is.
So here you go, folks. In honor of Halloween, my ultra spooky collection of Week 8 "low confidence" picks.
Trick or Treat Teaser (-134)
Broncos +7.5 Patriots -1.0
The Broncos took advantage of their get-right spot against Arizona last week and finally looked like a functional offense again. Sure, it came against an awful opponent, but Bo Nix needed to rebuild his confidence somehow, and that haircut clearly wasn’t getting the job done. He looks like a regional medical-device salesman who plays rhythm guitar in a Christian worship band on Sunday mornings.
I love taking home divisional underdogs, even when they smell much worse than Denver. Teasing the Broncos through both three and seven against a Chiefs team that seems contractually prohibited from blowing anyone out gives us a solid first leg.
Then let’s head down to South Beach, where the Dolphins finally earned their first win by beating the hapless Jets. Congratulations! I’m sure they spent the week on a champagne-soaked bender around Biscayne Bay with a gaggle of OnlyFans models and fraudulent crypto founders while DJ Khaled screamed incoherently.
Now it’s time to play with the big boys again.
I won’t lay the full seven because the Patriots have a long history of turning into clam chowder left on a dashboard during the fourth quarter of Florida games. But Miami simply doesn’t have the talent to win back-to-back divisional matchups.
Maybe I’m the fish here, but I’m swallowing the hook with New England.
💰 $25.00 to win $18.75
Vikings (+3.5)
Against the spread -118
Vikings head coach Kevin O’Connell heard the Dolphins spent the week partying with crypto bros and cried because nobody sent him a pin. Even worse, he had to listen to a million jackasses like me question his “quarterback whisperer” credentials after Sam Darnold and J.J. McCarthy escaped his clutches and immediately started looking better.
I expect KOC to spend the week whispering the correct answers into Kyler Murray’s helmet and coax a respectable performance out of him against Detroit’s suspect defense.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 4 was released last Friday, and Murray still played fine on Sunday. Either he hates this installment or he finally learned how to pause the game before third down. Both are encouraging developments.
Don’t read too deeply into this pick and assume I’m suddenly sold on Minnesota. I still can’t wait for the Vikings to get exposed in the playoffs. But until then, if you can get an undefeated team with a lights-out defense catching 3.5 points, I think you have to take them. Especially with Jahmyr Gibbs and Amon-Ra St. Brown both missing practice due to injuries.
I better not see your name in Dipshits of the Week again, KOC!
💰 $20.00 to win $16.95
Ravens (+3.0)
Against the spread -108
The last time Kirk officially placed a team on his Do Not Bet list, I promptly wagered on them the following week and won. I promise I’m not intentionally trolling him, but I was over the moon to see Baltimore added to his shit list.
The Ravens were hanging right with Cincinnati’s high-powered offense last week until their dipshit coach decided taking the lead was too conventional, passed up a field goal, and completely vaporized his team’s momentum.
You never know whether Lamar Jackson is nursing an injury or contracting some obscure 19th-century illness, so this line is probably accounting for the fact that he’s as fragile as Jim Nantz’s old-man bird bones. But Lamar was a full participant in practice this week, and you have to imagine there will be some organizational pressure to get his ass on the field before this turns into a three-game losing streak.
There’s no room to screw around in the AFC North. Cincinnati is all but guaranteed its fifth win against a Tennessee roster currently being sold for parts, while Cleveland and Pittsburgh are playing each other, meaning one of them should emerge with win number six. If Baltimore sleepwalks through another game, they could find themselves buried well before they get a chance to choke away a divisional round game in January for the thirtieth time.
If Jesse Minter wants to escape the Dipshit Dungeon, he can start digging on Sunday.
💰 $20.00 to win $18.52
Bucs (-2.5)
Against the spread -106
Since Baker Mayfield returned to the lineup last week, 7-Eleven locations across the Tampa area have reported severe shortages of Juul pods, Zyn, and Celsius. Baker is vaped, pouched, caffeinated, and ready to drag the Bucs out of the basement of football’s worst division and into a playoff spot.
The Falcons played a great game last week and handed San Francisco its first loss of the season, but I’m not ready to start blindly trusting them in divisional road games. Baker’s mangled finger is healing, while Michael Penix’s thrice-surgically repaired knee still looks like a half-eaten bag of beef jerky.
Hopefully it’s teriyaki flavor, because if Atlanta pulls off the upset, I’ll head to 7-Eleven, buy a bag, and finish what three orthopedic surgeons started.
Assuming Baker left any Celsius in the cooler.
💰 $20.00 to win $18.87
Commanders (-5.5)
Against the spread -106
You guys, I think it’s finally time. Jayden Daniels hasn’t won a game he started since October 5, 2025. It has been more than a calendar year since the former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year emerged victorious in anything besides the league’s freakiest joint dislocation contest.
But the drought ends this week.
Washington is home for a Sunday Night Snoozefest against Tanner McKee and the hollowed-out remains of the Philadelphia Pigeons. McKee better discover the forward pass in a hurry because Saquon Barkley didn’t practice, while Dameon Pierce, Will Shipley, and Tank Bigsby are all on IR. At this point, the healthiest runner in the city of Philadelphia might be the guy sprinting out of Wawa with two cases of Yuengling under his arms.
This is an offense that virtually everyone, including its own fans, hates when it’s healthy. The MASH-unit version should have the locals crying directly onto their crab fries by halftime.
Meanwhile, the 1-4-1 Commanders have to be staring at the 2-5 Eagles, 3-4 Cowboys, and 4-2-1 Giants and thinking, “If we can just keep Jayden’s appendages from bending like Gumby for three consecutive hours, we might actually have a chance here.”
By the fourth quarter, Cris Collinsworth will be giggling maniacally about Jayden’s “special traits,” Pigeons fans will be researching which batteries are most difficult for stadium security to detect, and Daniels will finally be back in the win column.
Give me the Commies by a touchdown in the least inspiring divisional renaissance ever broadcast in primetime.
💰 $15.00 to win $12.30
Kirk's Week 8 Picks
Available | $100.00 |
Wagered | $100.00 |
Season Profit or Loss | ($700.00) |
Early Bird Special (+587)
Rams -6.5, Chiefs -1.5, Patriots -7.0
Submitting my picks early this week as I have a Corporate offsite for the next two days.
Fun!
Scanning the board for a good 30 seconds (taking my time clearly doesn't amount to much) I've locked in on the late afternoon slate.
Given my reference to old's getting their dinner in before dusk, I think it fitting that all 3 games in the late slate have legendary franchises past their prime. Time for these old fucks to trot out and take care of business! Glory days!
Ram's Pick: Against Chargers.
Chief's Pick: Coming off a humiliating loss. GOAT Kermit and Andy Reid.
Patriot's: Was I wrong about Drake Maye? Maybe so. Just realizing this game is in Miami so I hope it's cold. Fuck!
💰 $100.00 to win $593.14
The Guys' Week 8 Bonus Bet
Same game parlay (+342)
Chubba Hubbard any time touchdown scorer
Chubba Hubbard 50+ rushing yards
Christian Watson to record a 20+ yard reception
Tucker Kraft 4+ receptions
Back to the litter box we go!
💰 $100.00 to win $340.87
Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!
