Oddball: Week 6 NFL Bets

Kirk and Matt get $100 each per week and go head-to-head to see who can light the most money on fire betting the NFL this season.

The guys will try to shake off a depressing Week 5, but first they'll have to survive a Thursday Night Football battle between their respective favorite teams.

Our rules are simple:

• Each of us gets $100 to bet every week.

• We must bet the entire $100.

• Picks go up Thursday, recaps on Tuesday.

• Only bets that resolve that week (no futures).

• Loser does the TB12 diet for a week

Any weekly profit can be banked and rolled forward. Any portion of the $100 you don’t lose stays in your total, but you can’t reuse it.

Now that the rules preamble is over, let’s get to the picks — and see how many games Matt will bet $11 on to win $10.

Matt's Picks

$108.62 available to bet this week +$8.62 last week -$28.45 for the season

I'm not sure what's harder to believe — that I actually made money in this contest last week, despite getting absolutely waxed in real life or that it's already Week 6 of the NFL season. With over 25% of the games already in the books, let's take a look at the current playoff picture vs. my preseason predictions.

Matt's Preseason Wisdom	Results Through 5 Weeks
NFC 1. Packers 2. 49ers 3. Eagles 4. Buccaneers 5. Rams 6. Commanders 7. Lions	NFC 1. Eagles 2. 49ers 3. Buccaneers 4. Lions 5. Packers 6. Seahawks 7. Vikings
AFC 1. Bills 2. Broncos 3. Ravens 4. Jaguars 5. Chiefs 6. Patriots 7. Bengals	AFC 1. Colts 2. Bills 3. Steelers 4. Chargers 5. Jaguars 6. Broncos 7. Patriots

As of now, I got 9 out of 14 (64%). That's pretty awful if this was a midterm exam, but not bad for gambling purposes. Staring at the Daniel Jones-led Colts in the top spot in the AFC is making me nauseous, so let's move on to the picks...

"I ❤️ LA" Moneyline Parlay (-107)

Rams Chargers

Give me the Rams on ten days' rest after getting pantsed by Mac Jones on national television. Sean McVay doesn’t stay down long — especially with extra time to stew on his mistakes. The Ravens, on the other hand, are starting to smell like warm milk. Their injury-ravaged defense just gave up 44 points to the boring-ass Texans. What will they do against Puka Nacua and Davante Adams? I don't like Cooper Rush's chances in this game (or any game, for that matter).

Unfortunately for the Chargers, they don't award the Lombardi Trophy after three weeks. After a hot start, the Bolts tripped over their own offensive line in back-to-back losses to the NFC East. But now they face a Miami team that can’t rush the passer or stop the run — the football equivalent of a screen door on a submarine. Even without Joe Alt, Justin Herbert should have all day to pick apart their saggy zone defense. With Tyreek Hill done for the year and his Dolphins fresh off blowing a 17-0 lead to Carolina, it’s looking like another long week for Mike McDoofus and his vape pen.

💰$53.26 to win $50.00

"I ❤️ Cheese, Horses, & Tomlin" Moneyline Parlay (-114)

Packers Colts Steelers

The Packers come in rested off a bye to face a Bengals team so desperate they just traded for 40-year-old Joe Flacco. Bold move to start a guy who moves like he’s buffering on dial-up behind one of the league’s worst offensive lines. To be fair, it would be super funny if Flacco upset the Packers for the second time this season (he beat them with the Browns as a +8.5 underdog in Week 3), but he won't.

After last week's debacle, I now have two favorite NFL teams — the Giants and whoever is playing against the Cardinals. This week, that applies to the AFC-leading Indianapolis Colts. I hope they beat Arizona by 100. I hope they blow them out so bad that their franchise folds and the NFL plays the rest of the season with 31 teams. Kyler Murray missed practice all week due to the head injury he suffered from the ball hitting him in the face. I hope he never comes back. Emari Demarcbozo has been busy prematurely ejaculating all week. And head coach Jonathan Gannon had to make a tearful apology for punching his own players. Seems like a great atmosphere out there in Glendale. The Cardinals are the biggest bunch of losers I've ever seen. How do you knock yourself unconscious with a football and score a pick six against yourself all within 10 minutes of each other? Fold the team. Melt the jerseys. Send the bird mascot to the Tyson processing plant. I hope the whole team goes on a nice walk out into the desert and stays there!

Oh and I guess give me the Steelers. Tomlin is 14-4 after a bye. Now he gets to go up against deer-in-the-headlights Dillon Gabriel. Talk about a tough assignment for the rookie. Fly across the pond to make your first NFL start, lose a pretty close game, turn around, fly all the way home, then travel to Pittsburgh to face off against T.J. Watt and the Steelers who haven't played a game since September 28th! God hates Cleveland and so do the NFL schedule-makers, I guess. My lord. Say what you want about Old Man Rodgers, but he's been getting the ball out faster than Morani Demarcado, so he should be able to neutralize the Browns biggest strength which is their pass rush.

💰$45.31 to win $40.00

"I Still ❤️ Stinky Underdogs" Moneyline Parlay (+544)

Saints Panthers

Is Spencer Rattler secretly kind of good? The Saints have quietly been pretty feisty at home, so I'm going to take a bit of a flyer on them hosting New England. The talk all week has been about how the Patriots might contend for the AFC East and how Drake Maye is a legitimate star in the making. Well, the tried-and-true recipe in NFL gambling is to fade the hype.

Another underdog I kind of like this week is the Panthers. Outside of Dak Prescott, the Cowboys have pretty much nothing going for them. Sure, they whooped up on the clueless New York Jets last week, but this is still the same defense that gave up 37 points to Russell Wilson just a few short weeks ago. Laugh all you want, but Bryce Young is definitely better than 2025 Russell Wilson.

💰$10.05 to win $54.69

Kirk's Picks

$100.00 available to bet this week -$187.24 last week -$300.00 for the season

Somebody Hand Me A Tourniquet (+583)

Cowboys -3, Buccaneers -3, Detroit Lions +2.5

I've been told by my managing editor that it's not a great look to exclusively communicate my picks with memes, gifs, and videos.

In my defense, if I had given you any real analysis behind my reasoning I'm sure you would have lost money at this point. Unless you've been betting against me? You pieces of shit!

Well for this week for better or worse I'll attempt to give you a glimpse into my reasoning on rolling the dice on another catch up parlay.

1. As much as people used to make fun of Dak, he's never really been the problem in Dallas. Their dumbass owner/GM takes that cake. The Cowboys having the #1 ranked offense is a pretty fucking big deal considering expectations this year and with CD Lamb injured. Hilarious WR George Pickens has revitalized his career as the new number one and this team is rolling. The Panthers flip the switch weekly between dogwater and dogshit so I'll lay the points.

2. I'll also lay the points with the Bucs against a 49ers team coming off a 'feel good tough guy' win from Mac Jones. He puked coming off the field which is a sign of a concussion but hey, what do I know? We'll see if they used up the tank to beat the Rams which I believe they did. Baker Mayfield is also putting up MVP caliber #'s so I'll take them at home. I just need to get his number and tell him the 49ers told him to go fuck himself so we can get his patented fuck you performance going for sure.

3. This Chiefs team stinks to high heaven. Just watch the clip of Chris Jones giving up on the game winning play against clumsy dufus Trevor Lawrence. Mahomes continues his sloppy play from last year. I'll take the Lions getting points and a sure fire Dan Campbell game in which he wants to pound a super bowl champ into the dirt.
   

💰$100.00 to win $583.33

Bonus Bet

$100.00 available to bet this week -$100.00 last week -$500.00 for the season

Note: Not part of the weekly totals. This is a brotherhood bet, a ritual sacrifice to Taranis so he doesn't smite us both.

What has been a more disastrous performance — our bonus bets or the Arizona Cardinals' fourth quarter against the Titans? Let's turn this sinking ship around.

Anytime touchdown parlay (+313)

• Saquon Barkley

• Cam Skattebo

💰 $50.00 to win $156.85

"The Giants secondary is ass, I've gotta figure out a way to make money on this" prop (+330)

• A.J. Brown over 99.5 receiving yards

💰 $50.00 to win $165.00

Reminder to send your comments, questions, and general mockery to hello@illandodd.com and we'll respond if we feel like it!